Aisling Part 2 (The Trauma Shop).

In this vision, you and I are standing, face to face. You put your hand to my face tenderly, but when you take it away, it is sticky with blood. You look at me disgusted, and as you retreat, I pull teeth out of my mouth and throw them at your shadow,

After the man who was choking me released his grip, things went on as normal. I went to work the next day and didnt even bother to cover the bruises on my neck and around my eyes.
Why was he choking me? Because he wanted to kill me.

Because he took my life, he has made it worthless. It doesnt matter what happens to me because I am dead already. The fact that I am still here now is unfair, a mockery.

Rees talks to me about being in Iraq and Afghanistan, the trauma he became overwhelmed by, and I go to work the next day, and the next day, and the next. It is not that I do not acknowledge my death but I try to master it, I try to make it make me better.

I thought it would make me fearless.
It hasnt.

At the dinner table I try to tell my parents that I m not ok, that I ve never gotten over being underground, that I might need help. It lies there, in the middle of us, unacknowledged. It drifts away on a sea current, untouched. I try to tell my friends, too, but they say I m a rock.

I m not.

I need you to acknowledge this, because this is where the beginning of the truth is. Please. Please help me.