Aisling (Vision)

I m sure I ve written an entry called Aisling long, long ago, but the concept of the aisling (vision, in Gaelic) is an important one in Irish literature, so I felt there was more to share on the subject.

Such strange, strange dreams lately. I feel like my subconscious is trying to dislodge something I havent yet come to terms with. I jerk awake while falling asleep, and havent felt safe in bed, whichever bed I end up in (I m couchsurfing these days), havent been comfortable in my own skin lately.

Theres this scenario. A boy opens the door to me. He wants to show me his house. He wants to show me his self. I explore his identity, with my words, my ideas, my fingers and my mouth. He is quivering, drooling, reacting violently to my endeavours, but internally, as though he s fighting his desires. I tell him I m pleased with him. I tell him a lot of things.

And then I drink Pennyroyal tea.

the cloak of invisibility. Its not a myth, I m sure it exists. But I m missing it, the cloak that lets me slip under the surface of the water. Sealwoman swims off after the fishes.

how am i ? oh things are strange for sure now that maester aemon has died, just after he realised his niece has awoken the dragons, and 12 year old arya went blind after killing the deserter from the nightwatch. but enough about book 4 of the game of thrones, you were asking about me?

i ve been to see a man about a dog, except its more of a wolf than a dog really, and theres the tattoos over my knuckles now, lone wolf. i just want to be left alone. feeling a bit fragile. steamrollers.

you know if you tell someone you dont want to talk to them anymore well you should stick to your promises, is all. dont go back and pick at the scabs. i was getting over Red and the fact that he didnt want to talk anymore. I was moving on. and then he messages me on facebook. oh blah. i feel i m boring you. but its in my head again, see.

along with frenchman and his two daughters. thats right, two. i knew about one, the second one he pulled out of a hat today and said it hadnt come up in conversation. ahhhh. he asks me to look in my heart but the defenses are sky high man, and do you know what they re there for a reason.

the other night i told him how this was my third life. the first time i was reborn was after emerging from the tunnels after 3 days underground. the second time i was reborn was when the man who was choking me released his grip. is it third time lucky? or is this my last chance? or am i a cat with nine lives?

i found a profile online that had been set up using my photos. this is not an identity crisis. i got it removed. it may be the death of me.

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