if you die i will too

I’ve lost cout how many times you’ve tried to kill yourself now. You need help because i can’t take it anymore.  You talk bout dieing all the time and how you won’t see tomorrow, that next week doesnt matter because you wont be here anymore. Everyday i have to hear your goodbyes. I dont know what your taking anymore you wont tell me that, what poison your drinking in order to die. All i know is you wake me up at 3/4/5am in the morning saying goodbye to me. I know you want the pain to stop, i see every single day how much you are hurting. I wish there was something i could do to help you, to make it better for you. The first weekend in Jan i called off work because you tired to kill yourself, you took a bunch of pills again and i layed beside you as you slept, you called your mother and she told me i had to call 911 for you but i didnt. I cant do that to you. i knew you’d be okay i understood what i was getting into what you had taken and how much.  So i held you and layed awake for hours fighting sleep to ensure your still breathing correctly. Cleaned you up when you got sick, helped as much as i could. And of course you were sad because you were still alive after.  This week has been bad three attempts you’ve made. Everyday sadder because it didnt work. Once right before i was to come home from work, another in the middle of the night..i cried from 3 till 4 laying beside you and another last night.. 5am or so. You wont tell me what your taking now or how much. I do know that it makes you feel peaceful and happy because you let your stress go and finally relax and sleep.  I dont know how much more i can take…and that makes me feel bad because if i’m feeling this way i cant image how horrible u must be feeling. I know what its like to want to die and to dream about it, i’ve been there so i do understand the unending pain you feel. This too shall pass, just hold on.

i love you
if you die
i will too
please let us
have life
together