be gone

I slept a million hours today. Havent been myself and i dont know why. He asks me whats wrong but i dont have any answers. The only thing i managed to do today was two loads of laundry.  The thing i wanted to do today, have sex, of course i didnt. Maybe to snap myself out of this mood or just to feel beautiful. My mind is somewhere else and whatever its thinking bout its making me exhusted. i wanted to get so much more done on my day off.

tears on my face and i dont know why
why am i hurting
whats making cry

Last night, i dreamed a childhood dream. A dream i was a part of, as a small girl, but no characaters looked like the roles they were playing. I was in a horse show or something, stands full of people. My sister was there too but she didnt look like the person i know. Just a girl, she was riding a horse, she was trying to show her animal. A man in a suit, my father but also did not look like him. He was in the middle of the field trying to stop her from showing, being in the way and hurting her. I was watching from behind a wooden fence to the side. Next thing i know i’m running over his face with my bike tires. The horse is stomping on him and the crowd of people are gone. I ride off on my bike and turn and he is curled up in a ball in dress clothes.  And the dream fades

I also dreamed i was fired from my job because my hair is long and i wasnt professional enough to be in a place of business.  I was yelled at, someone had complained bout me to the  manager. And i was gone just like that.

Not really good dreams maybe thats what set in this distant mood. I just want to know someone loves me and i’m not gonna be alone. I’ve worked at my job for 6months now and i still miss, crave the choas of my old job. My face is flushed, i feel as if i have a fever but i know i’m not sick.

i’m a happier person then i use to be
i’m someone better then before
so why does this feel like old me
i just want IT to be gone