the daily

So i’ve put my mother on hold lately. For awhile i was nervous to tell her bout the break up so i wasnt calling her i was talking to my sister more. I did tell my mother though and i told her about my new man also. I was a bit afraid of what she would think and react to her daughter dating someone black. Yet i was quite surprised with her postive light on the subject. She told me something i dont think i’ve ever heard her say, "do what makes you happy/as long as your happy" Can’t remember the exact words but something to that effect.  Those are big words coming from my mom who worries about money more then anything else. She says she knows i can take care of myself that i’m responsible and independent. Thank you mom.  Its good to hear stuff like that, she sees me as a good adult. Said it might be awkward to see M and i together in person, just because its different.. not what she is use to. I understand this and her reactions might be held back but once she warms up it will all flow as it should. Now its good she knows, i can share my happy moments with her like i normally do.  I told her it was easy with M almost too easy, she said love should be easy.  Maybe i’ll see a different side to mom too, shes gonna like him i know it.  Havent been talking with my sister as much now, she is kinda tied up with her own problems. Half being her own fault and honestly i just get tired of hearing the same issue when she wont change it. Yet i miss the kids, i hope she can come for a planned visit in the new year.

Derek is spending a lot of time away from home, he is pretty caught up with his new girl. He seems happy so i’m glad. I hope things work out how he wants. It might be a first in break-up history but myself, M and derek all hung out on saterday for awhile, went to the music store. I’m glad they met each other got along, even though the situation was awkward for them. Derek is not going to disapear out of my life, i hope we will always remain friends. Its a good situation when we can all get along. Now even talk of going out all together, i would consider that i met her briefly to say hi, i dont wanna be the scary/theatening Ex that is so common. M says derek and i behave like siblings. Very few rules have been set, we starting to buy our own food/household stuff and big importance if either of us go out we have to call before we can come back home.  I dont want to walk in on them two together in a heated moment and i dont wanna get walked in on, so just stay out until we get ahold of each other to give the clear. Might be silly or seem odd but its better that way when still sharing a place.  Derek is trying to get a job finally, has a second interview tomorrow morning i hope he goes and does well. One step closer to standing on his own, i do want him to make it to that point i just dont know how long i’m willing to support/wait for him to reach it.

Text Message: "Im gonna love you for the rest of your life you know that i hope youre prepared for it the more time goes by the more i know we belong together"   Sent: Dec 1st 2006 8:15am from M

I love this man so much. He is such a romantic make my heart skip a beat, i swear. Thoughts that are too far advanced already popping up in my head. I guess happiness causes a person to wonder about the good life, the future dreams with their love. Getting married having a family growing together. Scary beautiful thoughts.  Scary because it seems too soon to think like that afraid of losing it of something happening to change it. Beautiful because when i see him smiling i think to myself, i wanna spend the rest of my life keeping him happy. Its intense and passionate  beyond anything i’ve known.  I do feel a bit bad though, i got so tired and he put me to bed and layed with him even though there was a party he wanted to go to he stayed with me. This week, he was here sunday, called off work on tuesday (my night off) and spent the night with me, friday he came to see me before i had to go to work layed with me, came to get me saterday afternoon and spent the night didnt leave till sunday late AM. I wanna be around him all the time. We didnt go out anywhere this week, nor did i meet him half way. Yes i’d rather he come here and just hang out here privately if can be. Tad guilty for him spending so much time and money driving here and back, its about 30mins (20 if u ask him, hehe) I feel awkward about cooking, i just dont have any confidence to do that anymore i really gotta try and get back into it, it would be nice to cook meals for him. Instead i just ordered pizza, hehe. Let me add a little note (that will make him laugh) I never knew sex could be this good, i havent been turned on like this in years. Yet my "older" man better take it easy i dont want him to hurt his back *wink* okay noted. *smiles*  I hope his son warms up to me and spends time with us, its important.

At work they moved M to the backroom, did i mention this before? I dont remember, hehe. HR talked to me about it and it seems management is under the idea we are dating. I keep trying to deny that and just say we are friends. I dont want either to be issues at work.  I request mon and tues off to visit my new bfs family, hehe little lies to throw them off track, M will be working those days. Work is going okay, not great but i guess it could always get worse. I’ll have a good night followed by a terrible one, so its hard to tell how i’m doing. I hardly see M now at work busy nights i dont go to the backroom at all.  We are up to 10trucks a week, tons of new people that dont seem to be catching on to the process and is time consuming to spend time training right now. Hard for me also most of the new hires speak only spanish, which i dont understand at all. The other TL can speak spanish so he can direct them much better then myself but nights he is off is a struggle sometimes. I go into work at 10pm and lately i’ve been getting out like 9am, long shifts making me exhusted plus i havent been eating much lately and with trying to spend every min awake with M, some days very little sleep. Some nights i’m dragging butt so bad at work almost falling asleep doing stuff. Just three more weeks till xmas. I might be working christmas eve we are gonna put it to vote either 24th 5pm-midnight or 25th 10-6am.  Which ever gets picked i know i’ll be working it, i requested new years eve off thought.

Well i gotta get to sleep.. i’m gonna close for now..  wanna crawl into bed while i still have M on the phone…too late he sleepy…