Updates on C and Me
I am still trying to accept the fact that C will never be in love with me. However, each day it gets easier. And to be honest, he makes it incredibly easy.
He isn’t this evil person that is out to hurt people. He really isn’t. However, I do believe he is the kind of person that feels bad for his actions and makes up for it by giving all he can to the people he hurts. He does hurtful things for self fulfillment and then realizes they weren’t exactly moral and then makes up for it by giving the person he hurt gifts. It’s not exactly the worst quality a person can have. I mean, sure it sucks that he hurts people, but at least he’s man enough to try to fix things.
In the meantime, I will work on moving on. My trip to Canada is getting incredibly close. I am aiming for the 2nd week of December. However, the schedule at work is taking it’s sweet-ass time getting posted so I don’t know when I will be working. I can’t wait to get away and just chill with my friend. I have dreamed about this kind of trip for almost my whole life.
As for C, he may be taking Lily and me to California in January. He offered and said he will make plans. I am excited, but not exactly confident that it will work out. Not sure why I feel that way, I just do.
In addition to the trip to California C called me up and offered to winterize my car and pay for anything it may need. Just like that, out of the blue. Interestingly enough, I had just read a diary entry I had written years ago about how I longed for someone that would help me out with things once in awhile.
I realize I am blessed to have C in my life. And it’s probably for the best that it’s like this. I honestly don’t mind all that much that he’s sleeping with other girls. As a matter for fact, if he would have just been honest and open about this in the past I would have never been hurt so much by it. It’s simply the way he did it. He hid it from me (for three years) which leads me to think he believed what he was doing was wrong. Otherwise, why would he hide it?
I am almost over the whole thing, but I still plan on talking to him about the whole thing. I need it all to be out in the open. I need to understand his thoughts and expectations. I deserve that.
Everything in my life is good now. I certainly can’t complain. My daughter is simply beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful. She probably gets it all from me. Ha Ha!
Her