Birthday Party for my Daughter

Today was so nice in so many ways. 

My beautiful daughter had her 5th birthday party today.  We celebrated in the home that I am renting.  She was so excited.  C was there, along with Grandma/Grandpa D, Aunt Dawn and family, Uncle Shawn, And Uncle Rob/Aunt Wendy.  I feel very relaxed around my family.  I find myself laughing a bit louder than normal when I am around them.  

C was his wonderful self.  My family has taken him in quite nicely.  They include him in conversations and it’s like he’s been a part of the family for years. I hope this is how Lily remembers it.  Like it’s always been this way. 

I so enjoyed watching my sister Dawn and him get to know each other better.  They spoke of times when my sister was in Saudi and found each others stories engaging.  I watched in awe over him as he spoke with my family so intelligibly. It made my heart float around the room and fly with such happiness. Such love I have for this man.  So much that it could almost be described as foolish or incautious. But who am I to argue with my own heart?  It knows what it wants.  It’s time to stop fighting it and just let it do what it was meant to do: love.

On a side note, I let myself touch him today.  All those times I have started reaching out for him only to shove my hands tightly in my pockets have been hard on my mind.   But today was different.  Although it was quick, it was a step for me.  I’ve never been the kind to cuddle, or hug.  Even at age 15 when I watched my sister board a bus and go off to the Gulf War I stood alone while my family embraced each other and cried.  Touching people isn’t always easy for me.  However, with C it’s becoming almost (do I dare call it a need?).  He’s so warm to the touch.  And I don’t mean temperature. 

So yes, diary and whoever else is reading; today was a good day.

Her