The Texts

Me: I don’t think you truly understand what exactly you did by not going to the reception.  You told me that you were going so I told Lily and my family.  It was very hurtful and embarrassing to have to explain it to my mom, my brother, my sisters, and our daughter.  "The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to just love and be loved in return."  I hoped and waited 8 years for your love to be returned.  I am done trying.

C: I see where the misunderstanding is.  I thought coming to the wedding was what mattered and whether I stayed for the reception or not wasn’t a big deal.  Now, my issue is my issue and it doesn’t matter to you why I had to go.  The timeing may not have been the best but please compare where I am today and where I’ve been a few years back.  I’m coming along.

While you may think I’m a piece of garbage you have no idea how much I respect what you’ve done for me and for our daughter.  I also love your family very much.  God knows how horrible I was feeling yesterday but Lily just breaks my heart everytime I see her as well.  Consider the positive: I came.  Met the rest of your family.  I drove a long way for that and now they can put a face to the name.  You don’t have to give an apology on my behalf to your family.  You didn’t do anything wrong.

Again be sure I want the best for the both of you.  I’ve dedicated my life to undo the wrongs I have committed and to help you those involved succeed.

It’s your decision now how you want to proceed with this.  I mean no harm.  And one day I may be able to explain more to you. 

Me:  I need to send you those emails that you and i wrote back in 2005.  And then perhaps you will understand where I am coming from.  I am sending them to you via mail tomorrow.  Read them please.  And put yourself in my shoes.  I can’t love you any more.  It hurts too much.

C: The word love is too broad.  I love you.  You love me.  We both love Lily.  Each kind of love is different.

Me: Then whey don’t I feel loved by you?  –Sure I feel cared about.  But only because I feel that you feel you have to for Lily’s sake.  You wrote something in an email about children a long time ago.  It’s so strange how completely wrong you were.  When you read it you’ll have a new light shown on this.  At least I hope you do.

Get some sleep.  I can’t keep crying at work.  They’re going to have to check me in at the physch ward. 

C: …

Her