bitter goodbyes

•  Luke is out of the picture.  He said he loved me and was ready to for us to get back together, then 2 days later was in a serious relationship with someone else.  I told him he was an ass, he needed to get the fuck out of my life.  That was August 28.  I haven’t seen or spoken to him since then.  Twin 2 was proud of me for finally telling him to get out of my life and for sticking to my guns.
• Twin 2 moved later that week to Boston.  We’ve skyped several times since then but it’s not the same.  I’m planning to go up to Boston to see her in November.  I have a ton of vacation time and this year I’m planning to use it dammit.
• The hardest goodbye of all though and the real reason I’ve been so quiet was my grandfather passing away at the beginning of August.  He went into the hospital right after my aunt and cousins left, about a week after my birthday.  The hospital was ready to release him into hospice care to come home, saying there was nothing more they could do for him except to make him comfortable.  He passed away still in the hospital.  I’ve kind of been a wreck since then.  Life without him has been an adjustment.  I’ve been running myself ragged to keep myself from self-destructing on accident.  The meds have been helping to an extent but meds can only do so much really.

I’m doing archery every week, I’m making dresses and accessories for my borrowed bow and arrow set.  I’m planning an excursion with some friend to NC in October to do archery and other stuff.  I’m working myself as much as I can to barely make ends meet and pay all the bills that have fallen on us to pay now.  I’m looking at new jobs, I’ve actually gotten a call-back with a police dispatch job.  It’s a bit of a commute but I’ll take it for the substantial pay-raise it gives me compared to the pharmacy.  

There’s also a guy in my life…sort of.  It’s weird.  One of my guy friends who I always thought was platonic (I thought they all were, they were like brothers to me, the whole lot of them) came out and kissed me about a week or so after I told Luke to scram for good.  We’re not dating but we are spending time together one on one, getting to know each other I guess.  He’s a nice guy.  Not my usual type.  I’m not pursuing anything because I don’t want to hurt his feelings if the attraction is just that whole ‘rebound’ thing I’ve always heard so much about.  (Not being a hot commodity in the dating world I’ve never had one before)  Eh.  I don’t know.  It’s complicated, weird, hard to explain so I won’t try here.  I’m just giving a quick blurb so that people know I’m alive.  Maybe I’ll write more tomorrow(today) but I doubt it.  I booked myself pretty solid.

I’m having arts & crafts day with a friend (making archery accessories) and later I’m supposed to meet up with friends.  It’s my friend Sonic’s dad’s birthday.  His dad passed away a few weeks before Opa did.  So it’s going to be a tough day for Sonic and a bunch of us are going over to his house to keep him company and help him get through the day.  Maybe Sunday though.  I have archery practice but that’s not until the afternoon and then the wrestling payperview is Sunday night…eh.  We’ll see.  

I’ll try not to disappear again though but I don’t make any promises.