the update that should have been
So a lot has been going on in my life that I haven’t really written about. Part of why I haven’t been writing is because so much has been going on and I’ve just been trying to cope with it.
I guess, biggest news first. By the end of August I will no longer have 2 jobs. The store got corporate mandates passed down company wide changing the part-time hire availability. It used to be something that was left up to the stores to decide, so that way they’d have more control over the coverage that their particular location needed at particular times. For various reasons, this has changed. This change has everyone across the board, from store managers down in pretty much every store up in arms. At our store alone we will be losing about half of our store staff. Including me. The availability that they want simply doesn’t work with another full-time ‘retail’ hours job. That’s the reality. I couldn’t think of any realistic way to manage my hours between the two when they want me available both weekdays and weekends. Okay, scenario: a retail day (for those unfamiliar with it) is typically divided into 2 shifts, morning and evening (opening and closing). This includes weekend days which for a typical retail store is from the Friday closing shift through the closing Sunday shift. There are 5 weekend shifts available. I was available for 4 of them. Now corporate has decided that I must also be available for 2 weekday shifts. On top of 3 weekend shifts. The only way the pharmacy differs from normal retail is that we close earlier and open later on the weekend. Less shifts. Which was why I kept the store available for weekends. So the only way to keep my job was to make myself available 2 days during the week on top of my weekend, so basically 3 days a week, and I’d end up pulling at least one day a week where’d I’d likely work both jobs.
(This would be on top of the reality that I have to take classes to meet the prerequisites for pharmacy school so on top of whatever my class schedule would be.)
If it were 2 part-time jobs and school, or even a full-time overnight job plus part-time day job, still doable. But a full-time job, part-time job, plus 2 classes that I know are going to require a helluva lot more work on my part than either job (Statistics and Calc 1, have I mentioned that I haven’t taken a math class since 2003?), all of whom decide to run through the same 12 hour slot every day of the week….yeah. I see bad news written all over that. So unfortunately at the end of the month, when the store deadline for working out the availability change runs up (8/20) I will "voluntarily separate" from the company unless I can work out some sort of availability.
Maybe it’s for the best. I need to focus on these math classes if I’m not going to fail and waste $800 in taking them. Plus I’ll actually start getting days off without having to request them off weeks in advance. If I’m back in school I also don’t have to worry about the student loan bills because they will defer again which was a huge stressor when I found out about the nonsense going on at the store. Thankfully campus is on the same side of town as the pharmacy so it won’t be any huge commute, particularly not if I go straight in and close the same days that I have class.
Tomorrow I have a memorial to go to for one of my grandfathers. We have family who’ve come in for it from all over. It’ll just be a small service, him being interred at Arlington. I’m wearing a very appropriate sleeveless black dress that I’ve never had a reason to wear before.
I was almost written up at work again today, we won’t go into that right now. I had a panic attack at work. The trigger was the almost-write-up but I know it’s probably been brewing for weeks now thanks to all the stress. Gotta love nerves, right?
I haven’t been working out much the last few weeks. I think I’ve fallen into a funk, ie: depression or just this side of it. My appetite comes and goes. Some days I eat nothing, other days I binge. I sleep constantly or else have terrible bouts of insomnia, but even with all the sleep I’m tired all day. I haven’t worked on anything that I liked, not my jewelry, not painting, nothing. I haven’t cleaned even though I desperately need to. I barely managed to finish laundry and that took me 3-4 days for 2 loads!! The worst part is, I have no true reason to be depressed. I just am. I like my life 90% of the time. I’m stressed as hell the last few weeks though and even though I’ve really started hanging out with people more often, I still feel really isolated a lot of the time. I’ll be out with friends and I’ll still feel like I’m by myself in the corner.
Okay, reveille is at 0700 and it’s just after midnight now so I need to get my butt to bed.
