so much

I feel like I have so much I want to write. I stared at the blank screen (page?) all morning, my head filled with things to share, things to complain about, things to celebrate, things to mourn, things to just blather about that had no meaning.

I’m still filled to the brim with the urge to write but I don’t know what to write about. I’m unfocused and random these days, just darting around from one thing to another trying to get things done.

Isaac’s deployment is looming closer and I know that’s putting me on edge. It’s putting him on edge too. Hours cut at both jobs, again. Talked to my bosses about that so hopefully it will stop.

I keep typing things then deleting them. I don’t know what I want to share until I start to share it and then decide, "No I don’t want to share that yet." No I don’t have anything huge and important to share so don’t even start thinking about those kinds of things. lol

Isaac got me my new necklace. It’s a beautiful snowflake set with Swarovski crystals. I absolutely love it and wear it every day. I tried to take a picture of it but the sparkle just wasn’t there so I’ll try take a better one soon that really shows off the sparkle.

I dread May. The first 3 weeks that we’ll be apart. It’ll be the longest we’ve been apart since we started dating almost 7 months ago. I can’t believe 7 months have flown by so quickly. He’ll get his 4 day weekend some time toward the end of May/beginning of June (no definite date yet). After that, he ships out. 6 months has turned into a supposed 300 days, now possibly 400. Yes 400 days, more than a year. He heard from his commander (don’t remember his rank) last week that they may be gone for as much as 400 days. It came up because I was talking about how he’d be back in time for something, some holiday, next year. And he said he might not be. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I think I’m still processing it and that’s why I’m so unsettled. There’s so much to do before leaves, so much that I want to do that I don’t think I can. Like getting him something to take with him. Financial constraints have made that impossible right now.

Ok, enough rambling for now. It’s late (almost 1am again) and I have to work tomorrow plus I want to get up moderately early. I also have no point to make or get to right now.

So yes, I live for the moment. I’ll try to post tomorrow or this weekend, organize my thoughts a bit better.