time passes

I don’t even know why I’m writing. I have nothing important to announce or anything to discuss.

Work is work, home is home, Isaac is Isaac, family is family, and I’m just swimming to keep my head above water. As usual.

Car payments, loan payments, phone bills, insurance. All the usual dreary and mundane things that make up a life. And I have very little to show for it. A car that I probably pay way too much for and insurance that is insanely high. Not at fault accidents still ruin your life as far as I’ve discovered. What rubbish. What the hell is the point of who is at fault then? You both end up screwed!

Dos’s birthday was this past Thursday. He and Isaac and their other brother Tim went out. Is it bad that I am jealous? But I’m not jealous because of the fact that they went out and spent time together. It’s that so far Isaac has been around for everyone’s birthday: his own, his youngest brother’s, Dos’s, Tim’s (I’m pretty sure was in December or January) and his Dad’s was right after he got back from his last deployment. The only birthday he will miss will be mine. Yes, it bothers me. I know he can’t help it and that it’s not worth dwelling on particularly if we stay together for a while and he goes back active duty. He’ll miss my birthday and our 1 year anniversary though and that bothers me a little. I’m sure it will pass and the only reason it’s bothering me is because I realized it just this past Thursday.

I’ve been trying to plan something to do for my birthday but I don’t think I’ll be doing anything spectacular. Last year I had family up but I was working. The year before that was spent in a car driving halfway across the country with my family. The year before that I was taking summer classes. Before that I was working, and the year before that too. I hate having a summer birthday. I’ve not had a real birthday party of any kind since I was a kid. I tried to have one after my birthday back in 09 but that ended up just being me and Quinn and a few of my friends. I wouldn’t really call it a party. I’d like to have one real grown-up party. This year I’ll be out of town with family for my birthday. We’re going to a really nice theme park and spending the weekend there and we’re going to see the historic district near there. The east coast is nice to live if you like history. Nearly everything here has a historic district. My aunt and I happen to like history. On the upside, this little weekend jaunt in July will likely only be me, my aunt, and my favorite little cousin. No brother and very likely no mother either. Keep your fingers crossed. I’d love to have a weekend away with people who I love and don’t drive me up the wall within 5 minutes.

I’d like to see Isaac tonight but he’s working. I’m thinking of taking a nap and then maybe going over there around close to see if he’d like to spend the night. I’m off tomorrow so I’m going to spend the day cleaning and doing laundry.

Isaac is going to start looking at government contracting jobs while he is deployed. I’m not sure how to feel about it yet. It could take a while for him to go back active duty after they get back, since it sounds like there is a lot of paperwork involved in it. So he’s looking at jobs to tide him over and that will pay well when he gets back. I’m not sure how that’ll work. I’m sure that the whole government budget thing will be worked out by then. And let’s face it there are some contracting jobs that people don’t want to touch and Isaac has no problem with jobs like that. So long as they pay. If he lands one he’s already planning to look for a place of his own. He’s got plans to pay off his debt with the pay he earns on this deployment and have enough to buy a Jeep or at least a car of some kind, a set of wheels. After that I guess we’ll see.

Is it bad that he has said marriage is off the table for him forever? Or is it bad that it bothers me? At what point in a relationship (and I mean I’m thinking way down the line theoretically at this point) does one of them not wanting to be married change to they just don’t want to marry YOU? Yes, I subscribe to the ‘he’s not that into you’ philosophy. If a guy wants to be with you, he’ll make it happen. If he isn’t asking you to marry him it’s because he doesn’t want to marry you! He wants that out-clause. *sigh* I’m putting the cart before the horse but that’s me, the worrier.

Off to take a nap I guess.. Or at least relax with a movie.