last night & 7 things

I spent last night tossing and turning. I also cried myself to sleep. Why? Stress. I’m stressed over money, over pressure to do better at my job, over pressure to do something better with my life, over pressure to ‘grow up’ according to what my family defines it as. I was dealing with all of that just fine until Isaac dropped that last straw on this camel’s back. What did he do? Simply this; he didn’t bother to talk to me about what was going on. Let me explain:

He had drill this past weekend. He left Friday, got back yesterday. I sent him a text Sunday morning-ish asking if he wanted to spend the night when he got back. No answer, no big deal, he’s still at drill. He got back, didn’t tell me, still didn’t answer my text. He shows up at the store for their training meeting. Still doesn’t answer my question. I’m tired from working all day so I go home, not even thinking about it. I text him around 9-9:30 when they should be finishing training. He says he’s hanging out with Dos.

Normally, I don’t care that he spends time with his brothers. What I’m upset about is that he DIDN’T FUCKING ANSWER ME!!! I could have made plans of my own if he’d bothered to fucking tell me he was going to make plans. But since he didn’t answer I didn’t make plans. And no, it’s not just him, I do the same thing with everyone. If I’m trying to make plans or have plans to make plans with someone I will do nothing until I hear from them yes or no. So not only did he not tell me he got back already. He didn’t tell me he was going to make other plans, didn’t tell me that I wouldn’t get to spend any time with him whatsoever last night.

I doubt I’ll spend time with him today because I’m going to try and see Caleb today since I get off at a decent hour (5pm) plus Isaac will probably be working tonight and all week like ALWAYS. And I’ll be working and stressing out about how I’m not getting hours this week because I’m not. I’m back down to 30 hours because of course our fucking ridiculously stupid corporate that thinks they know everything cut hours again. I know we’re still trying to come back from the recession, but really? Cutting hours now, not helping. We run short-staffed even when we have hours because we don’t have the hours to hire another person. That’s why I work front and pharmacy! And we’re still short-staffed! We can’t get everything done like corporate wants and then they wonder why?! Are you serious? Gah!

Isaac and I had plans for St Patty’s day, I was going to be nice and drive him and Dos around so they could get drunk and enjoy themselves. Right now I feel like being selfish and telling them to go screw themselves. *sigh* I’m just so frustrated right now and it’s not just him though. He just happens to have been the one dumb enough to push me too far and stay in the line of fire.

I don’t know what I’m doing right now other than the normal: get up, get dressed, drag myself to work, come home, clean, sleep. The same shit I do every day.

1) Money
2) Bills
3) Hours at work
4) My dogs
5) Isaac
6) Things I want to do with my life
7) Food

~~Day One: Ten Things you want to say to ten different people~~
~~Day Two: Nine Things about yourself~~
~~Day Three: Eight Ways to win your heart~~
~~Day Four: Seven Things that cross your mind alot~~
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot
Day Seven: Four turn-offs
Day Eight: Three turn-ons
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why
Day Ten: One confession