death & life

I had another friend pass away on Monday. I wasn’t told until this morning. Another friend of mine, Joy (for those who have followed me for a long loooooong ass time you might remember her lol) had found at that apparently a bunch of people hadn’t yet been informed so she took it upon herself to call those who she knew who knew him. I’m one of them. The funeral is Saturday morning. Joy is going to come by the house and pick me up and then she and I will attend the service together. I won’t be able to attend the viewing tomorrow night because I’ll be working night shift. After the services she and I are talking about hanging out and catching up since we haven’t talked in months.

Sad when death is what makes you remember that you’re alive. It makes you appreciate the friends that you have, the ones you’ve had that you’ve drifted away from. Today has been a day for reconnecting. I’ve been playing that numbers game on Facebook (for those who don’t know or don’t have FB here’s the premise: You announce you’re playing the game in your status and people send you numbers to your inbox privately. You then post publicly in your status what you think about them, they know it’s them because you use their number.) My ex Jay, my first ex, the first boy who ever broke my heart and the boy who forced me and took my virginity decided to message me with a number and two words "be gentle". I sat there staring at the screen for a good 10-15 minutes thinking of what to say to him. Finally I just wrote "you’re the first boy I ever loved and the first to break my heart. I can’t be more gentle". I wrote me a long message apologizing, saying how he regrets it more every day and how when we were together it was the last time he was truly happy in himself; pushing me away was the beginning of spiral down that he’s still trying to recover from. I read it and almost started crying. Is it bad that I feel sort of justified now though? Knowing he’s dealt with his own problems, that’s he’s been unhappy, that he regrets hurting me and pushing me away? I’m not saying I’m glad to hear it but I feel sort of avenged. Lord knows that boy left me with plenty of scars to deal with that have messed up my life.

So there is Joy, there is Jay, and lo and behold of course Quinn had to make at least a token appearance. I posted about having another funeral to attend and he said "that’s sad, I’m sorry". ….. really? WTF? *headdesk* That’s all you have to say, really don’t bother saying it.

I feel like sending texts out to some old friends and reconnecting. I also need to get ready for work, blech! I hate the closing shift.

Isaac is supposed to spend the night tonight and we’re putting up Christmas lights tomorrow since he’s off and I don’t work until 2. I’d rather just lay in bed with him and do nothing else. Maybe we’ll venture out at night after we get back to the house and finish. It’s not much left. Hanging the last string (I had to go and buy a new one which is why it’s not done), setting up the timer stake and extension cords, and then hanging the wreath over the garage. We don’t have the wreaths down for the front doors and we haven’t set up the Christmas tree yet. I had planned on doing that Saturday since I was off but now that I have the services and Joy it’s going to have to wait. If Isaac has a short day on Saturday (he has army training) maybe I’ll kidnap him and get him to help me get stuff down out of the attic in the afternoon/evening.

*yawn* Okay, time to go and do something since I still need to eat lunch.