NoJoMo Day 3: Good, bad, and in-between

I’m happy.

I didn’t think I’d be able to say that again. I’m actually happy. My life isn’t perfect but it’s a far cry better than it was.

Friends: I still don’t have many but I have some, and the ones I do have are pretty cool people. I’m slowly working on expanding my social network. I’m more open to going out and having fun with people. And I’m not hung up on how ‘few’ friends I have these days. I work so much that I’m quite content to spend my downtime reading or playing video games. I don’t do it so often that I get bored because it happens only a little bit a day or sometimes not for days at a time. It works for me.

Work: I still don’t make the kind of money I would like to but I’m making more money and it’s steadier than it was. I’m still waiting on my benefits package but that can take up to 90 days to get to me and I’ve only been working full-time for 30 days (weird to think it’s only been a month since I started full-time but it has. I started full-time Sept. 27-ish). I’m getting along okay with the pharmacy staff but we’ve been going through some staff ruffles. A few of the girls are talking about leaving or have left. It’s pretty bad. I’m not that worried about it right now. I’m just doing my thing and working towards that national certification.

Then there is Isaac. He’s a refreshing change of pace. He makes me laugh even when I feel like being a total bitch. He’s sweet and funny and a gentleman. He’s pretty much what I always dreamed of finding in a guy. It’s a shame I had to go through so much crap to meet him. Now, while I can appreciate all his wonderful qualities, there is that scared little part of me that holds back, hiding in the corner and waiting for him to walk back out of my life like everyone else. It’s weird in that I could see myself falling for him, being with him in the long-term but at the same time I don’t really see my life with him in it long-term. If that makes sense. I can imagine it if I try but just on the average ‘planning ahead’ work-book of life, he’s not included. He’s talked about flying me to Italy when he gets his R&R next year during his deployment. I joked with him saying that if he did that then I’d think about falling for him. It’s kind of true though. Italy, international travel on his dime???? That would be a sure sign that he’s probably going to keep me, lol. He’d get me not only out of this two-bit town, or out of the state, he’d get me out of the freaking country!!! That’s monumental in my book. I’d have a passport and something to use a passport for! It would pretty much guarantee me falling for him LMAO!! But again, I don’t have it in my life-plan workbook. Honestly I don’t expect it to happen and so I’m not going to pin any of my hopes on it.

I don’t think I have any more hope to pin on other people. Especially not on men. I’ve had too many promises broken to willingly risk getting let down again. It’s enough of a risk to be dating the man as it is.

*sigh* Ok, 1am, time for bed. Tomorrow is my day off and I have things to do and I plan to enjoy my day off too so that means I have to hustle on my necessary evils and get up at a decent time.