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I took care of the stone age phone return last night as well as some paperwork. Isaac was working. I knew he was working but I also needed to get the paperwork done as it has to be completed 48 hours before hand; it’s paperwork for Saturday. I went in and I didn’t ignore him but I didn’t seek him out either. He did talk to me a little bit but he was with customers. I finished what I needed to do and left. He promised to call, again. I sent him a text around 9:30 saying he owed me a phone call and he better not forget before he passed out again. An hour later I hadn’t heard anything and was debating sending him an annoyed text to stop wasting my time if this was how he was going to be. He called. We talked briefly. He apologized, saying he has worked pretty much 12+ hour days at the shop to make up for the hours that they are paying him (apparently they pay him for 40/week but he usually doesn’t work that many) and of course yesterday he worked both jobs, so he has been coming home and basically going straight to bed.

Do I believe him?

…..

I don’t know. I have no actual reason not to, he is kind of a workaholic and I know this. At the same time there is that little burned-too-often side of me that is insisting I head for the hills.

I don’t know what I want anymore and that doesn’t help.

I don’t want to get involved in a relationship, I don’t even want to risk getting close to people anymore because they usually end up screwing me over. (That little burned-too-often voice in my head is the doing of people.) I’m tired of being hurt, of getting my hopes up and having them run over by a mack truck all the time.

Kale disappeared. On the one hand, yeah, I’m annoyed. Do I miss him? Now and then but more in the way you would miss an acquaintance than missing someone who actually meant something to you. I thought of dating him but he never did anything that really made me want to date again. He wasn’t all that gentlemanly, he was really kind of selfish, he had no motivation to do anything with his life that I ever saw.

Isaac is a gentleman. He has thanked me for letting him be a gentleman. Paying for movies, dinner, whatever, holding open doors for me, helping me in and out of the car. He also has motivation. He wants to re-enlist with the army, redeploy overseas, travel, work, make a home, have a car, all those kinds of things (he doesn’t have one now because of the whole redeploying again thing, it’s just not fiscally viable to have a car when he won’t be around to use it and it would sit in storage). He is not overly selfish. He asks me how my day is, he rubs my back, he talks about his sons, he shares information but also wants information about me.

I don’t know if he’s a white knight in shining armor like I dream of finding, but he’s definitely a dork in aluminum foil so he’s got effort on his side if not effect.

Honestly, I almost can see myself dating him. I don’t know how acceptable this is yet. One day at a time is not necessarily a good mentality when some days are going to be like the last few days. Days like that are the ones that make you re-evaluate.

So back in square one. I have no idea. I’m attempting to take it a day at a time but it’s not really working so well this week. I’m attempting to be patient but there’s that nagging voice in my head that’s yelling at me about being stupid. *sigh*

Mostly I’m just really tired this week. I don’t think I have the energy for this deep thinking nonsense this week.

Work was okay tonight. Isaac came by to pick up his movies that he’d left at my place last week. He meandered with me down a few aisles, goofed around a little in the costumes. Oddly enough he went immediately to the same witch hat that I’d grabbed when I saw the costumes and wore it around the store. LOL It was a little serendipitous I think. So anyway, he dawdled a bit, bought one of those dorky little plastic skeletons you can hang on a door or whatnot. Then we were saying goodbye in front of the door and I figured it would be a hug and he’d go on his merry way but he did that particular arm placement that guys do when they intend to kiss you. (Yes guys, you all pretty much do it. You wrap your arm low around our hip and back, splaying your palm against the curve of our lower back/hip. A girl with any experience with guys knows this move. The hand splayed on the lower back is the clue. If you’re just going in for a hug your hand angles up so your fingers point up our back but if you intend to kiss us you angle your hand down. I don’t know if all guys do it but nearly all of them do or do something very similar. LOL) I didn’t think he’d actually do it since we were in public. For the most part we haven’t really been PDA so I assumed either he was uncomfortable with it or else he didn’t feel we were at the PDA stage of our…relationship? fling? friendship? WTF you want to call it? He knew my supervisor was there, he’d spoken to her, he knew we were open, there were customers coming and going. And he still kissed me. Not anything PG-13 just a gentle little kiss.

We have plans to hang out on Saturday after I get off work at 4 because he is off. I think he might be off Sunday too and so am I but we’ll see.

No lie though, my supervisor thought it was so cute how I was all pink and giggly after he kissed me in front of the whole store. (Granted it wasn’t like we were super busy or anything but still! A kiss in public is kind of a big deal! I have always felt that a guy who is willing to be seen kissing you in public is a guy who is genuinely interested in you. Guys, am I at all close to being right on that one??) But yeah. So now I’m heading to bed because I have a running date in the morning with one of the girls and I’d like to be up and at’em so I can be productive with my day. Do some shopping, pay bills, stuff like that before work again. I like working in the evening. It’s slow-ish, I get to be semi-productive or sleep in (either or) in the morning. Not sleeping in in the morning but I will be productive so go me! =)

Okee dokee, I ish off to beddy-bye!!! <3

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