broken, day 13

I saw Quinn yesterday. I still love him, I know that, seeing him just made me realize it all over again. But he still says that his feelings don’t match mine anymore. I miss him. I don’t know yet what will happen between us, as friends or otherwise. I think it’s just too soon now to know for sure one way or the other.

In the meanwhile I am doing my best to enjoy each day. It’s tough. I flirt with the guys, I joke with the girls, I just do the best I can each day to make it through. And at night I just stay awake distracting myself until I finally just pass out from exhaustion.

I went running today and literally ran until I was sick. I don’t cut anymore but apparently the whole punishing myself mentality is still there. Now I’m just doing it ‘healthy’. *rolls eyes*

I haven’t decided if I will go running tomorrow or not. Mostly because it will depend on how late I am up tonight and whether or not I get called in tomorrow at BBY. It’s inventory day tomorrow. So it’s highly possible that I will get called in. We’ll see.

I got some new beads so I might just spend the day being unproductive. I shouldn’t because I’ve spent the last 2 weeks being unproductive really. But it’s hard to be motivated to do anything right now. I just keep thinking, what’s the point?