broken day 6

Today was a tough day. I had to deal with new girl updating her facebook status to ‘in a relationship’. His of course hasn’t changed and probably won’t. I already know this little bitch doesn’t stand a chance. She’s a child and a fool and he will chew her up and spit her out and she should have known better seeing as how she knows I spent Valentine’s with him. Whatever bull he is handing her can’t be that freaking believable that she’d think I came down just as his friend for Valentine’s day weekend…the whole weekend…every night…yeah, that’s what I thought. I have spent today wanting to drive down to Uni and take a tire iron to his head. And I’m not a violent person by nature. I’m not mean for the sake of being mean but this whole ordeal is changing me into someone I don’t recognize and someone that honestly kind of scares me. All this intense anger and rage that is boiling just beneath the surface now, just waiting to lash out. And it’s indiscriminate. I almost lashed out at my sister Kay when all she was doing was trying to be helpful but she wasn’t being helpful, Her advice sucked and I almost said horrible mean things to her just because I was hurting and I wanted someone else to hurt to. So I had to hang up on her to keep myself from saying them.

I’ve continued to be completely and totally so fahking pissed off all day that I’ve been a hair trigger away from driving to find his dumb @ss and rip up one side of him and down the other.

So what’s stopping me? What happened to letting the lioness loose?

Simple. This isn’t the lioness. This is some new and strange side of me, part of me, that I don’t understand and don’t have total control over right now. Besides that this isn’t the right time for her to strike yet. Is it when I want to, yes, the new bitch wants to but the lioness, the predator, the strategist knows that any attack now (physical or otherwise) would be a waste of time and effort right now. It’s not time, not yet.

In other news, tonight was good. I went out with the BBY crew after closing tonight to Applebee’s. Got to flirt and joke around with people. I haven’t flirted in forever. I stopped when I realized that it did make Quinn just a little jealous. So I stopped flirting, stopped seeking guys attention. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe if I’d kept having the attention he’d have kept appreciating me. I don’t know. These are the kinds of things I’m left wondering about. But tonight I flirted (ironically with another Quinn that I work with who is extremely sexy) and a couple of the other guys. We all just were hanging out, drinking, eating and laughing my ass off. It was good to be able to let loose for a little while. Then a bunch of us were hanging around outside, not leaving. Somehow I ended up the only girl with a group of 7 guys. Needless to say lots of sex jokes occurred. At one point I ended up being picked up (by BBY Quinn) and ‘fahked’ (again, not sure what exactly happened to lead up to this I think it was a gay joke at Quinn’s expense) but because of course I was holding me up in a rather *ahem* intimate position my boobs were in his face. Now instinct says hold on, modesty says "oh snap". Modesty won and I ended up on my ass on the sidewalk outside of Applebee’s. It hurt like bitch!!

I think I have been accepted as one of the crew now though. It only took 5 months lmao.

Ok, my sore butt is going to go to bed, I have to be up in about 8 hours or so for more BBY shenanigans.