Games that people play
So my last entry received a note from someone, I presumed a guy from the way they ranted but as I couldn’t access a diary for them I’m not sure so if they want to clarify for me go ahead, I don’t really care. You expressed your opinion, bully for you. But this entry isn’t really about them, it just prompted a thought train. Now normally I wouldn’t share hate-notes simply because it’s a waste of time but I feel for the context of the thought train to make sense the original catalyst of it should be made known.
"that all sounds like bull**** to me, if two people can’t be honest with each other and talk about what the real problem is and instead the girl just plays games expecting the guy to know what ‘i need space’ means when really it doesn’t mean that at all… well really they shouldn’t be together at all. what bull****. if a girl does that then she deserves to be all alone. frickin grow up."
In an ideal world, yes two people should be honest with each other about their problems. Unfortunately the reality is that sometimes even when they are honest about the problem, the other person just doesn’t understand that while it might not be important to them it is important to other person and should be treated that way out of respect. For instance, I might not mind if dishes sit in the sink all day as long as they get put into the dishwasher by the end of the day, I understand that he/she/I might be in a hurry and forgets to put them in the dishwasher. However my partner might not be so understanding and might want the dishes put in the dishwasher as soon as they’re done being used. I might not see it as an important issue but if they do then I need to respect it and try to be more consistent about putting my dishes in the dishwasher right away. And vice versa. Obviously we might discuss this until we’re blue in the face but if mutual respect of the issue from both parties points of view are not achieved than it’s going to remain a problem. So no, honesty is not magically going to make the relationship work all by itself.
Another thing, and this one bothers me on a more personal level, I feel that people unfairly and very harshly judge girls for playing games and ‘testing’ the relationship. The truth is guys are JUST as guilty of doing the same things. The only difference is that guys will never admit it because half of them don’t realize they are doing it. They are just doing what someone else (probably another guy) has taught them to do. For instance, girls test the relationship with things like the "I need space" play. Guys are guilty (quite regularly unfortunately) of playing the "You’ll do it if you love me" game. Now I don’t understand how girls always fall for this particular one when the most obvious comeback is "And if you love me you won’t make me do something I don’t want to" but most girls don’t seem to think about it that way. (Yes, girls are guilty of playing the "You’ll do it if you love me" game too. Pretty much every psychological game ever researched can be and is played by both genders.) Often times girls don’t understand that they are playing games either but I’ve noticed females tend to be more open to the self-help section of their local library or bookstore and generally have a larger knowledge base of the games used between the genders. In-so-doing they of course come into the knowledge that they do in fact play games. (Guys might be just as open and/or knowledgeable and are just tighter-lipped about it. I know only what I see and what I ask about and most of the guys I’ve talked to won’t admit to even cracking open a self-help book, including one whom I know for a fact owns a very well-worn self-help book. He insists it was a hand-me-down and that he’s never read it. Whether he has or not I can never really be sure but you see where the trend of thought comes from and this further supports the idea that girls are the only ones that play games because we seem to be the only ones willing to admit it. Stupidly, we admit it and then end up having to explain for the rest of the world what the rules are.)
The worst thing is that games don’t just exist in our personal relationships. They are used in professional environments as well. Games that I know are played in all aspects of our lives include "One-up Manship", "Flow breaking", "We should do this for you", and "It’s your decision". I mean, whole books have been written about the topic by authors for decades now! And EVERYONE is guilty of playing games, male or female, it makes no difference. Now if we could rid of relationship games across the board from both genders and all cultures I’m sure we could all live together like one big dysfunctional but happy family. Unfortunately, that’s probably never going to happen.
So you see, by your logic dear noter, guys should end up alone and/or grow up too. They haven’t yet though so I think it’s safe to assume the game is still on.
Xx
