The “I Need Space” Lesson

 I have seen several great relationships fall to pieces because of these three little words or some variant there-of.  Guys have no clue just how crucial this phrase is when it’s uttered.  Most often they’ll be dropped like a bombshell after some heated argument, whether it’s a stupid disagreement about what to watch on TV or something more serious.  But whatever the circumstances most of the time THIS IS A TEST!!!  (Obviously if you are a jealousy-prone, obsessive stalker boyfriend then the phrase is a serious consideration that maybe you really are just a wee bit too clingy…)

I know it seems like a perfectly reasonable request when you’ve had an argument but from a girl it is a double-edged sword.  It’s use?  To test your conviction, your dedication, not only to her but to the relationship.  The logic of it is actually pretty solid.  If you want something, you go after it, you work for it.  Well relationships are work and require maintenance just like a car.  If you want to get something worthwhile out, you have to invest time and effort in.  If a girl utters these three horrid words it’s because she is probably feeling neglected or that you aren’t pulling your weight in the relationship.  Now comes the tough part.

It’s a fine line that has to be walked by the guy dealing with this situation.  You have to make an effort and show her you care without becoming a stalker or smothering her with your attention.  Small things work best.  Call once or twice just to say hi and see how she is.  If she sounds at all quiet or sad let her know you were thinking about her and you miss her.  You may actually be able to hear her smile through the phone.  Texting also works if your gal is technologically savvy.  Again, keep it simple and light.  The thing she has to be able to take away from the conversations is that you care because really that’s why she will say that she needs space.

But don’t just stop there!  Guys screw this part up all the time, they start reeling her in with the sweet talk and forget all about the important stuff.  You have to find out what really was bothering her!  Did you not do the dishes, if so are you consistently not doing the dishes?  Or what about forgetting plans you’ve made?  Oh, and the notorious ‘friend-time’ excuse is lethal.  Yeah you need guy time, fine, girls get this, but not every weekend/Friday night/Sunday afternoon/whatever has to be guy-only time.  Change things up to spend time with her, start doing the dishes, start keeping your plans (and your word, that’s often the real thing that bothers her about broken plans).  Make an effort to fix the problem but don’t just make the effort, make the change!!  If it started a problem now it will keep making a problem later down the line so do something about it!

Take the words "I need space" as the warning that they are.  If you don’t, you are about to be kicked to the curb.  Hard if necessary.

Xx