why me?

So my life is kind of amazingly screwed up.  It always has been so I don’t know why I expected it to stop being screwed up suddenly.  It seems every time I get my feet going under me on a particular trek something comes along and knocks me on my ass.  

CVS called today and wanted to schedule an interview.  I was at work when they called but I haven’t been feeling well since yesterday so I ended up coming home early anyway because it was slow and they didn’t actually need me to stay until 4.  I came home, returned CVS’s phone call.  They wanted me to come in Thursday for an interview but I pushed for an earlier one and I am interviewing with them tomorrow morning at 9.  I have to be at work at 10 so we’ll see how this goes.  Then I work tomorrow until 5 and after that I am getting my stuff together and going to Uni for a few days.  I am working on Halloween so since I have Thursday and Friday off this week I figured I would go down there then come home Saturday morning since I work Saturday at 2pm.  I already have my clothes packed for the trip.  I have my clothes for my interview picked out and set aside next to my work clothes which I will be changing into in the car/parking lot either of CVS or work.  Then I will come home, finish packing my toiletries and my computer and stuff and then leave.  Now I really need the break.

I am not sure how I feel about a possible job with CVS now.  It’s not the CVS I applied with to start.  Plus I really like working at Best Buy and I really want the discount that comes from working there.  On top of that I’m seasonal anyway and I’m really needed for once the holidays get into full swing.  I’m actually the last of the cashiers that were hired to fill out the front-line staffing through the holidays.  If I were to quit now they’d have to replace me ASAP.  I also just finished my training and will be getting certified this week so I can get my blue shirt.  I know it wouldn’t be so bad to work both places part-time, it would just be a real annoyance.  I’d have no time to myself basically unless I made sure to make myself unavailable to both places on say Mondays or something.  But then I’d also have no time to go on my trips and visit people and no time really for people to come and visit me either.  But then it would only be through January or February anyway.  Then the seasonal position at BBY would end and if they did offer me a part-time position I would be able to say no.  Let’s face it, CVS will probably pay me more anyway.  But working 2 jobs would also mean more money so I could maybe pay off all my debts and save up my money and start paying my bills myself all the faster.  It just means I’d really have to give up on having a life.  And I really would probably have to give up on seeing Quinn on a regular-ish basis.  Right now I’m getting to see him every other week or so and I enjoy it, it’s still not enough time but it’s something.  If I have 2 jobs that would pretty much be guaranteed to end.

I know I will be going back to Uni in the fall though for the psychology program.  I don’t really have much of a choice.  I need to get my letters done, I need to take my GRE test and I can’t get any of that done being where I’m at right now.  And if I go back to Uni in the fall then maybe it will be worth it to take a little (ok a BIG) hit right now.  But I might also be able to transfer to the CVS at Uni if I do get the job at the one here.  And then while I want to do the PharmTech program in the spring, if I’m just transferring stores anyway I might be able to skip doing that in the spring and just work full-time instead.  Then I’d get all my grad school stuff squared away while I’m at Uni and I’d be good to go on the Pharm Admin in the fall, or maybe even the PharmD if I can swing it.   A lot of it will depend on where I at this time next year, financially and personally.

I don’t know that I’d even be offered a job yet.  I’m putting the cart before the horse but I can’t help trying to figure it all out now, weighing my options and trying to decide if it’s worth giving up the one thing that really makes me happy these days (visiting Uni and seeing Quinn) if it means more money at least temporarily and possibly a better chance at a full-time job when I go back to Uni.  It’s all so freaking complicated.  Why is my life never simple.  Everything I do, or even try to do, ends up so convoluted that my natural inclination to worry and plan and worry and plan is set into Maximum Turbo Overdrive and I can’t shut it off.  Which brings me back to my trip tomorrow.  Being with Quinn will give me someone to bounce my worries and ideas off of who will be honest with me even if it’s advice that I don’t want to hear but who will also hold me and tell me it’s okay to be scared and worried and it’s okay to get upset over this even if it might seem completely irrational to someone else that I’d get upset over it.  Quinn understands that I am a worrier and I end up getting myself worked up into tizzies over things.  It’s part of my OCD-ness and he’s okay with it.  So is Irish really so if I need to I can bounce things off of her too.  Although apparently she is upset with me and Quinn right now supposedly, even though I have talked to her several times this week.  Don’t even ask me to explain because I really have no idea.

Okay, I’m going to go lay down now and either read, watch tv, or nap.  Whichever ends up happening first I guess.  I will try to keep you posted about what happens.  I’m taking my laptop to Uni this week since I’m going during the week and there will be times I end up left to my own devices while people are in class.  Hopefully I’ll be able to update during at least one of those periods.

Xx