why do i bother?

You would think someone, somewhere, some higher power, might take pity on me considering how exhausted I am, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I have nothing left.

My interview with Best Buy went well. I got the job provisionally. I have to pass the drug and background check. Then training still has to be scheduled but that’s ok. A job is a job and I have one now. That’s good right? I should be at least a little happy right? Too bad the rule of my life came into play as usual. One step forward, two steps back.

Got the job. Got home to find out the my aunt (the one who already has 2 forms of leukemia) had a tumor removed from her arm today and her doctors think it’s cancer. Then of course my mom manages to pop one of her surgery scars open and I can see a wire through it but it’s not trying to pop out of the hole so we are just waiting to go see her doctor tomorrow. No point rushing to the emergency room since they would still have to track down her specialist. And they would probably just say to leave it and see what happens from here. There’s no weeping or seepage, just a pin-prick hole in the scar that you can see the wire through but the wire isn’t coming out or discolored or anything.

To top it all off Quinn is trying to quit me cold-turkey all of a sudden. And I mean all of a sudden. He has decided he has to pursue a relationship with this girl that has basically haunted him for years. Until he gets her out of his system he has declared he can’t be in a relationship because he thinks about her constantly, dreams about her, the whole nine yards. He refuses to talk to me on the phone, he only talks to me on IM. This after he spent the whole freaking last weekend with me and things were great, there was no sign of anything wrong. Then he does a 180 and basically refuses to have a real conversation. This after we had conversations about long term plans. He invited me to come with him to his grandmothers for Thanksgiving. He promised to be my date for fall ball. We discussed Christmas plans. All sorts of things that made it seem like he was getting over his issues with our relationship. He doesn’t even think he and her would work out. He’s just trying to get her out of his system. How ridiculous is that? And it’s killing me. I feel like I lost my best friend because really, that’s what has happened. He is pretty much the person I am closest too and I’ve basically been kicked to the curb without having done anything wrong.

I’m so tired of even trying anymore.