out of the loop

So this entry is kind of a hodge-podge of emotions.

I know something is going on with my OD friend Aisling but I have no idea what since I was away for a few days.  But all of a sudden one of her friends is posting and their talking about her husband doing what he wants with the diary when he’s ready which gives me a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Aisling and I never exchanged any contact info, just commented back and forth but I really enjoyed talking to her and I’m really praying hard for them all now.  I just wish I knew what I was praying for I guess.

As for Quinn, things are going okay.  5 days to go.  This weekend has been harder than most because he was away visiting friends so we didn’t talk as often as we usually do.  Then last night as we were going to sleep on the phone I started hearing a girl moaning.  I’m pretty sure it was in the background.  His phone is a piece of crap and he hasn’t been able to actually have a phone call other than on speaker phone (one of the speakers or something is blown) and then his speakerphone has whisper-mode which I like better because regular speakerphone catches a bunch of static and then I can’t hear him.  So we were laying there going to sleep and all of a sudden I could hear this girl moaning and stuff.  It really freaked me out except that Quinn wasn’t making a sound other than his usual falling asleep breathing pattern.  And the girl sounded really far away, almost like it was an echo.  So I’m guessing his whispermode was picking up someone in a tent nearby.  But I haven’t really gotten to talk to him since last night to find out if he heard it or not.  They were all camping out in the woods near someone’s house and the tents were pretty close together from what he was describing the other day so it probably was someone else’s tent but I think this situation would raise any girl’s alarm bells.  Like I said, I don’t think it was anything going on with him because he’s pretty vocal during foreplay and sex even when he is trying not to be (I know this from experience from having sex while at my house with my parents home, haha) plus the girl sounded really far away from the speaker and in whispermode that takes a lot.  But still, my emotions are jack-knifed all over the map right now.  It’s making it pretty hard to function.

Plus the 2 big dogs my aunt has got into another fight last night.  I didn’t have the awful adrenaline nausea like I did after the first one thankfully but I know that’s partly to blame for the fact that I’m just emotionally vulnverable right now.  It’s that moment in time when you go "Oh crap, I knew this was all too good to be true" and you start expecting everything to fall apart around you.  And because you expect it you start making it happen without meaning to.  So now I’m just trying to hold the pieces of myself together until this tornado passes.  I know it will because I want to keep being happy.  And yes shitty things happen but they aren’t happening, I’m just seeing them where they aren’t because my nerves are shot to hell.

Now my aunt is thinking of getting rid of one of the dogs because she is just too aggressive.  She food aggressive towards the other big dog and she’s jealous.  She’d be fine in a house where she’s the only dog but in a house with other dogs including one who is higher-pack-ranking, she’s just too unpredictable.  Last night proves it.  But we’ll have to wait and see.

Ok, it’s noon and I haven’t showered so I think I’ll go do that.

~*~*~Blessed Be~*~*~