giving up

I haven’t told Hunter yet but I’m giving up.  It’s not even just the break because being left alone never has really bothered me.  I’ve always been kind of a solitary creature by nature.  I have plenty to do really.  I have my textbook readings, my tests, my questions, my notes, I have plenty of books to read (for fun *gasp*!!!), laundry, cleaning, cooking, my needlework, and of course tv and movies.  So no, being alone isn’t the problem.

It’s this whole drawn-out ordeal I think.  I am not usually the forgiving, patient, over-look-all-shortcomings kind.  But I have been for Hunter.  Not by my own choice either; it’s just happened that way.  That in itself worries me.  That who I am is changing yet again and it feels like I’m not even getting a say in it now.

He is supposed to call on Sunday.  I am trying to go to church that morning and he said he would call and ask about the sermon.  I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to tell him then or if I’ll wait until after the holidays.  I’m not sure yet.  I guess I’m pretty cowardly.  I don’t really know what to say or how to say it.  I guess it comes down to that I’m not really sure what can be said that makes how I feel make sense.  How can it when it doesn’t make sense to me?

~*~*~Blessed Be~*~*~