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My days have seemed to be running together lately, like a string of numbers on a page, no commas, no periods, just a big string. Maybe binary or something, a string of ones and zeros that don’t make any sense unless you know how to read the language. And right now I feel like I don’t know the language of my life anymore.

M changed his relationship status on MySpace to "in a relationship". : Not sure what to make of it yet. I want to ask him about it but I’m afraid either
1) It’s not me he’s talking about which means that while he was trying to seduce me, he was doing the same to someone else.
2) It’s me and then I just look like a fool for not realizing that. Plus I still don’t know that I want to be ‘in a relationship’

I haven’t changed my status on MySpace. I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship. I haven’t talked to M since last weekend when we hung out. I almost started feeling like he was blowing off because later that weekend I tried to get him to come hang out with me and some mutual friends and he just basically "Said naw, I have better things to do". He didn’t actually say that, what he actually said was he was going to stay home, work out and then go to bed. Which seems even worse from my end. You’d rather stay home alone than see me and your friends? Or are you not really home alone? See? Now this one little (should be) insignificant phrase has turned me inside out on how I feel about M. I wanted to trust him, thought I could trust him, and now I’m wondering if I really can. Then the logical voice in my head is saying "Don’t panic. This is nothing to panic over. It is what it is, you may be construing incorrectly, you may be reading to much into it." Does the rest of me listen? He# no! I’m stressing about it, although proudly, only a mild complex has evolved. Most of my focus is still on school. If I was really stressing I would have been chomping at the bit every day this past week to call/text M which I didn’t. Half the time I completely forgot he existed.

Which brings me to my next point. If I can forget that someone exists in my life it means they haven’t arrived. Although to be fair it doesn’t take them out of the running entirely. I forget about my family half the time too until something comes up in which I need them, such as FAFSA being due or having a conflict over whether to pledge a sorority or change my minor or something in which I want a more ‘adult’ opinion. (Adult is used loosely here since many of my classmates are of course legal adults, in this context I mean a more experienced opinion.) I also forget half the time that there is a world outside of University-town and Academia. I just am here and that is where I am focused. This means that when I am in a relationship, the guy kind of gets a bit shafted or at least he gets the short end of the deal. I don’t pay much attention to him, he’s lucky if I call him or text him to say hi once a week. It’s not that I don’t like him suddenly or anything so shallow as that. It’s that I have a one-track kind of mind and a singular trait I get from my dad where literally out of sight becomes out of mind. It takes a trigger to remind myself of things. Like I call Lexi almost every Monday night because she’s one of my only friends who watches wrestling too. So I call Mondays after RAW and sometimes Fridays after Smackdown (not so much on this one because Fridays are also family nights for them since the kids don’t go to bed until 9 or 10pm, after Smackdown has started). I message people on MySpace when I see something that clicks and goes "Oh hey, I wanted to ask them something." Rarely I call people because I’m just flat out bored but that doesn’t happen very often either since I know other people work for a living, hehe.

Ah well. I get to go home to work next weekend probably. The set is supposed to be Tuesday but we hate doing sets Monday nights/Tuesday mornings so most of it will probably be done Sunday morning instead and I told my SM that I am available Friday night if she needs me. Hopefully I will get on the schedule for more than 5-6 hours. It won’t really matter because I won’t be paid for 2 more weeks after that. Not until March basically, Feb. 29 might as well be March lol. And it will only be for a few bucks, probably not even $100 unless I get 12+ hours in 3 days. If I end up working I will have to message everyone and be like "You want me, come find me" XD It’s easier that way than me trying to find all of them considering I have X hours free between working and all. If I do work though I am pretty sure I will be hollering at my Bar-buddies to go out on Saturday…if I have money. ATM-I have about $150 to my name which is a bit sad since I got $300+ put into my account on Friday between a paycheck and a loan refund. However in my defense $50 of that went to my hard drive and another $40 went to my CC-payment. Another roughly $60-70 went to groceries. Another $45 went to two things I didn’t need but I could say I needed. $18.90 went to a pair of boots. They are Southpole boots, about knee-high. I bought them as rain-boots kind of. I needed something that was practical (read: not 2 inch heels) for walking around in but that I could tuck my jeans into so I’d stop having to deal with the whole dripping pants phenom that happens to us short people when it starts raining (the bottoms drag in the water and then water ends up flipping up from our pants/shoes onto our butts…It’s kind of chilly when that happens in the winter.) Now I have big calves so zip up boots are hard to find that fit both my muscle-y calves and my jeans in them, plus most of them have heels. I managed to find a pair of lace-up boots and so I bought them. It works. The other ‘non-necessity’ purchase I made was a chair. Not a desk chair or table chair or leather sofa, it’s just one of those little egg-carton, wanna-be papasan chairs that just fits in the corner of my room and gives me a more practical place to work. I can’t sit at my desk for a long time because it ends up aggravating my back and doing all my work in my bed just gets annoying because I end up either falling asleep while I’m working or else being unable to fall asleep at night.

Doctors do recommend you not make your bed a place for doing anything other than sleep (and sex of course) because when you start doing that you start suffering from psychological misplacement. If you regularly read or watch tv in bed you start associating your bed with these activities and not with sleeping. So unlike most people who hit the bed and fall straight asleep because in their minds that’s what a bed is for, people who use their bed for other various and sundry activities start having a harder time to fall asleep. I’m falling more into the second category. Last year I used my desk a lot so it wasn’t a huge problem but this year my leg has been bothering me so muchbecause of my back that it’s nearly impossible to sit at my desk comfortably for more than a few minutes. My leg falls asleep incredibly fast and I end up moving around a lot. This is in part because there is NO give to these chairs. They are wood with no cushion or padding. : So the chair became a very good idea if not a necessity. I’m waiting to see how much it will work. Last night was a fluke, I ended up having really bad cramps and being unable to fall asleep until like 3am. But I’m exhausted tonight and I’m doing my best to stay off the bed until at least when RAW comes on. (I like to watch RAW laying down on my body pillow.)

Well, this was just supposed to be a quick update but now that it’s turned into a novel I’m going to go and do something a bit more productive before my fraternity meeting at 3pm.

*luv ya bunches*