November 2, 2013

Everyone is fully aware that I made some pretty terrible mistakes and lied to someone I loved. He expunged me from his life because of my misdeeds and I spent about 7 months apologizing ad nauseum whilst nursing a broken heart and incredible guilt. Many times I was warned of the “real” type of person he was, but I didn’t want it to be true and brushed it off as best I could. Fast forward to nearly a year later and I’ve now been shown, and have factually and visually confirmed, that he was hugely deceitful all along and lied to me literally hundreds, if not thousands of times… and continues the subterfuge even now. The person he presented to me is nothing more than a wishful façade; a mask that successfully covers a deeply depraved individual. This is the person who called me every name in the book and eradicated me from his life because I was dishonest. The hypocrisy is inconceivable.

And you know, I’m not even angry. The time for anger has long since passed. Loneliness is painful and living with that many secrets, coupled with a mind that consistently travels down such a dark path, has to be so lonely. A person like that will always feel misunderstood and alone because their constant deceit prevents anyone from really knowing them. I very often feel alone and misunderstood myself because I do tend to be so closed off and keep people at arms length. So I know those feelings all too well. Maybe that’s why he and I became close. We were alike in so many of the ways that really matter and developed a very intuitive connection. At least I thought we did. This is why its been such a shock… It has destroyed my entire perception of a relationship that I believed to be a significant part of my life. All of those thoughts and feelings and dreams and desires were about a fictional character. All of that emotional energy was wasted because I never knew even the first thing about him… he who at one time I would have said knew me better than almost anyone. It’s mind blowing.

Moral of the story: No matter how much you love someone, as long as their presence in your life causes more misery and distress than happiness, you better trust your gut and get rid of those toxic fumes.

“Sidney” is Playing>> iPad “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift album “Red”. In stores now purchase at http://www.amazon.com