September 1, 2011-

There is no culture here. I hate this godforsaken town. I hate the lack of anonymity. I hate that I can’t go anywhere in this tiny hell hole without running into someone I know. I hate keeping up appearances for the sake of my bastard father. I hate the fake, disgusting, elitist, bs people at all of these fundraisers that I’m forced to either attend or else be given a hard time by… everyone. Nobody there gives a damn about whatever charity or cause is at hand. It’s all see and be seen by people who don’t care about you and who you don’t care about either. It’s all fake smiles, expensive shoes, mean and catty women and their husbands who think nothing of grabbing your ass under the pretense of being too drunk to know better. I hate it all.

I’m going to L.A. in the morning and it’s the same as here, albeit on a much larger scale. I love the ocean though. I love the sun, the water and the warm sand under my feet. I won’t be there long… some kind of “work” thing for a few days and then back home.

The Kosei thing is done. I’m all for a dominant man who takes his role as the head of the house, but he is too much. He has some kind of something or other business thing and St. Thomas so we flew down for a couple of days. He was busy during the day and left me at the hotel. He came back later and I wasn’t there. I had gone out walking around and checking out some of the little shops. He was livid. He was actually screaming at me and telling me how I don’t know how to follow directions and obey him. It took me awhile to figure out why he was even mad. He said it was because he told me to stay on the grounds of the hotel and I disobeyed him. Honestly, I didn’t think anything of it. To his point, he had spent a significant amount of time telling me I was not to leave the hotel, that it was too dangerous and he didn’t have time to worry about me, blah blah… I was alone, yes, but it was the middle of the day. I guess I just thought he meant don’t go walking around alone at night.

Anyway, he was so mad. He wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night and he sent me home the next morning while he stayed to finish up. I couldn’t believe how mad he was. He just kept going on about how I disobey him constantly. When he came back he came over all smiles and sweetness… then asked me to apologize for not obeying him. I swear to God, he is so freaking cute and charming I actually started to do it. But anyway, it is done now.

At the aforementioned charity event there was an auction. They auctioned off “dates” with the women. Basically it’s just a lunch… so he bids on me. And he keeps bidding higher. And higher. He made a ridiculous bid and won. I absolutely refuse to see him again though. He continues to call and alternates between incredibly sweet messages and very angry rants, screams and accusations of me being with some other guy. Sometimes when he’s doing that I get these flashbacks to Brian and it freaks me out. I know I’m overreacting, but still…