April 28,2011-

I miss Jason. We had barely spoken and only occasionally exchanged texts for so long. Then, maybe a week or two ago, his texts started coming more regularly and he called a couple of times. Our conversations were very light, cautious, devoid of any of the fun that they used to be so full of… Honestly, it has just been so boring. Still sad though.

Did I ever even say what happened? Did I write about what an ignorant fool I am and how I ruined a great thing? I can’t remember.

Anyway, yesterday things sort of hit the fan. He saw something on Facebook that some guy had written to me… something that made him realize we’ve dated a little. He was very angry. Yeah, I’ve gone out with a guy a few times and I haven’t tried to hide that. I didn’t tell him that I was dating someone, but I didn’t think he cared. He has been cold and distant for two months now. What did he expect? I honestly didn’t think he cared at all. I was wrong. We talked for awhile and he said he couldn’t believe that I would date someone when it had “only been eight weeks”. He said that he assumed I would’ve told him something like that and that I shouldn’t have continued contacting him if I was seeing someone. I DID tell him a few weeks ago that if things between us weren’t going to work out then I was going to move on. I know that isn’t exactly saying, “hey, I’m going out with someone else”, but I thought he would’ve gotten the picture. He’s very very smart and very intuitive.

So… he was angry. He feels I was being deceitful about the guy. He feels I was being deceitful when I said I wanted him. In his mind, this time apart, this EIGHT WEEKS apart, with such minuscule contact was just time for him to “think about things and untie some knots”. The knots that I fully admit to creating. So, the revelation of my dating life coupled with how upset he was with me already over “the incident” has made him quite upset with me. Actually, though, I think our conversation was a positive step. I think he understands where I’ve been coming from much better now than he did before and I know that I understand his mindset better, as well. There was no resolution though, not even close.

I did end things with the guy I was seeing though. It really wasn’t that big of a deal anyway, but I wanted to say the words to him so that it was clear. That way I could tell Jason that I had taken that step. I don’t know what will happen now. Only time will tell. I’ve not heard from him today, but I didn’t really expect to. He needs some space. I do miss him though.