Feelings

I hate emotions. This is why I don’t get close to people, it is just easier that way, I don’t get hurt in the end. This is why I don’t date or hook up anymore. He caught me off guard, he is different, we hit it off. All day today I was on the verge of tears, eyes tearing up on the way home, why does he have to be straight? why does the perfect guy for me have to be straight? I say I wish all straight guys were this open and friendly but I guess this is why they aren’t. I say I want to be alone but I don’t. I thought I was happy being single, that I enjoyed my privacy and independance which in a way I do, but I am lacking something, something I had a taste of that faded away….something that I felt but he doesn’t….. I can be friends with him, I think, this will probably pass, maybe a crush, maybe he will go back where he came from and that will be that, I will never see him again, who knows what will happen, but one thing I have learned is that I am not as incapible of getting close to someone as I had thought, I am not immune to feelings. They say love comes when you least expect it, when you are not looking for it, it seemed that happened, at least for me it did. So I deal with it and move on……