Opening the Door to Death

            My dad’s body died 3 months ago, but I truely believe he died when my brother did almost 2 years ago now. I truely wonder if he would have gotten lung cancer if my brother was still alive. I don’t know but I do know that he would have fought it more if Mike was alive today. It does seem that when people lose the will to live they open a door and invite Death in. It might only take days or months but it will happen.

            I wonder if I am doing the same to myself. I just found out that I have border line high blood pressure. For someone around the 500 pound mark this is no big surprise but still not something you like to find out. Amy and I are going to cut alot of salt out of our diet. Cut way back on the fast food. No more cold cuts and premade foods. We are also going to start going to the YMCA and start a swiming work out. Not hard core like some people but a good start for us I think. I also need to get my mind straight too..

            This morning Amy and I where in bed talking. She told me I had to live for another 50 yrs. My first thougth was "How the hell am I going to be able to wait 50 yrs to see my brother again." That was wrong and I know it now. My first thought should have been "That is not long to be with you." I think I am going to stop going out to the grave so much. A couple times a year should be more then enough to show my love and respect for my brother. I) to place his christmas tree, 2) on his day of death and 3) on his birthday. Ya I think that will do.

        As for dad well his ashs are at moms and I will see him enough there. I need to live more for the now. Not just for me but for the rest of my family that are still here.

PS: Thankyou all that have left notes. I know I do not respond like I should but know they mean the world to me. 🙂

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"Bare is the back without brother to guard it."