To Mike

I got this note on a letter I sent to you:

Hadeswpb: you seem to love your brother Alot, but you seem to be missing something very important. He is Gone, and you are hanging onto him not letting him rest in Peace you are tearing yourself up, and you are keeping yourself from healing. You can not heal and you can not go on with your life while your still talking to him and trying to keep him alive in your letters. Instead of talking to your brother you should talk to your wife or your family, or someone not connected to the family like a doctor, that is what they are there for to listen to you and your problems and not judge and not react when you break down but to talk you through it and help you begin the healing process. I’m sure your family is worried about you. it is normal to greive the grieving process must go on, but you need closure and you need to move on, if you and your brother were as close as the letters say then he would NOT want you to tear yourself and your loved ones up like this he would want you to remember the good times and the joy you shared.

I do not know who wrote this kido, but I do relize its something you yourself may have said to me while you where alive. I dont know Mike if I can just let you go like that. Like I said thou what this person said is what you would have said or at least it sounds like something you would have. I dont know brother but I will have to think hard on these words. I at first glance it feels like I would be betraying you by just moving on. The wound is to deep is to fresh. I need time to think.

all my love

billy

________________________________________________________

"Bare is the back without brother to guard it."

the weatherpixie

*hugs* You know if you feel like talking to him is your way of moving on then so be it. Everyone heals differently. I read back and I seen how basically the wound of him passing is still fresh. Just keep the faith and keep doing what you feel is helping you heal.

Loving someone, honoring thier memory is not betrayal. To remember all the joy and happiness they brought to your life. Remembering thier first day at school, when they first learned to ride that two wheeler bike, thier first skate board or roller blades. That time they majorly crashed and burn asking that girl in high school to the movies. Thier first Zit, or If its a girl, training bra.

All those times you watched foot ball or baked cookies. Thier first shave, or the time they threw up on that canival ride. All of these memories.. All of the happiness.. The Joy he or she took in life. Would you forget it all? And only remmeber them in sorrow? Would He/she want that? Wouldn’t it be better to think of them watching you from where they are and smiling at all you have achieved?

I knwo its hard. Its like loosing a part of your soul. like having your heart ripped from you and you lay there bleeding afraid to breath because the pain will take over and you will drown in it. I do understand. But in time. Maybe not today, maybe not tommorrow. I can not give you a time or a date, but it will get better.

One day you will awake in the morning and smile without hesitating. One day you will think of his/her smile and know that its alright to go on living. That he/she would want you to. You will be with him one day, but do not jump the fence to meet him until its your time. Do not Step blindly off the curb of life. Live your life like you knwo he/she would want you to. Honor his/her memory this way.

Your not so much leting go of him/her as it is honoring them. Signed a caring friend of a friend

i miss the letters