sticks and stones? (edit)

I have never been so hurt in my entire life. Friends I thought were freinds, aren’t.

When you get married and have a baby, people always say to you "you’ll find out who your friends are". I knew this was going to be true to a point, I knew that I would drift apart from some people, I  knew that once a week phone calls and visits would turn into once a month,or whenever you have time. I didn’t know which people would turn into blessings and become an unlocked hidden secret and which friends would become well awful.

I had a friend, well I guess two friends now, who has been saying awful things about me, my husband, my marriage and my child (children) I used to be so close with one freind in particular. It hurts so much to know how far this person has taken her comments. Appararently I have done nothing with my life. Apparently I am not a Christian because of some past mistakes. I am an awful human being, my husban is an awful person, who apparently beats me (Shaun does NOT beat me… gosh I could cry at that comment) My marriage is a joke.  A "friend" once turned to me and said "I have more respect for gay marriage than yours, a shot gun wedding is a joke" wow…. That isn’t why Shaun and I got married, that is why Shaun and I got marrie so fast, but we knew we were it for each other when we first started dating we knew… ugh.

I work with one of the girls that is going around trashing me. She has been on my case at work too. I am supposed to be on my chat for 7:45 am, well at 7:45am I was in the bathroom, got into my classroom at 7:48 and turned on my lap top, logged onto the chat at 7:50am…. I got a text at 7:50 asking me why I wasn’t on chat, and where I was.. this is the second time this has happened. I feel like there is no room for error at my job because she wants me gone.

I am going to be blocking one of these girls on facebook and deleting her number from my phone. I felt really immature deleting someone off facebook but Shaun told me in this situation it isn’t immature its mandatory.

As for my work situation… I will be eating lunch in the cafeteria I guess…. I will no longer be in my private lunch room, with fellow co workers.. I am too scared to tell a story, or make fun of my husband and have it get turned around and blow way out of proportion and have even more rumors flood.

I understand that people don’t accept my marriage, I understand tha tmost of my friends think I should of just aborted my baby (babies). I get that they think my marriage is ajoke and that Shaun and I won’t last. I also understand that these people aren’t Christians and mock my belief system and watch my ever move and if I slip they are on me about it….  But why don’t these people just respect me? why don’t they respect my choices my beliefs.. 

I have friends who in my opinion have done some awful things, just awful and sad things. I don’t accept what they have done, I did not support their choices (well some fo their choices i didn’t support) but i respected it.. I remember when a friend of mine had an abortion and she asked me if i could pick her up. I told her no, I said I can not drop you off or pick you up, I can how ever be there for you when it is all said and done. When you get home and if you need me to come over I will, but I couldn’t take her to the clinic or pick her up… that is where I drew my line. I never agreed with her decision, I did not support it, but I respected her, and I supported her as a friend…. which is why after it was done I was there for her.

I jus am so hurt. Shaun told me not to allow these people to have power over me but i can’t help it. i’m devestated…. I’m sad about loosing two apparent freinds, and i’m sad about what is being said… i’m sad these people don’t respect my life, my choices…..

I love Shaun, there are days I want to kill him, there were times I thought we wouldn’t make it, there have been moments where I have felt so lonely and so unloved.. but heads up, marriage is not easy, its not perct and its perfectly normal to go through these stages… Shaun and I at times got lazy, got in a rut with our marriage and didn’t work at making things right, didn’t work at lighting the spark, or our friendship…. we make time for each other, we love each other, we honor each other.. marriage is a job, a full time job, and we are working on it…

On a side note,… i have never told any of my freinds about the struggles in my marriage, i always left it between, shaun, God and myself.. the odd OD entry, but other than that its been between teh 3 of us…. so people saying things really doesn’t make any sense…

anyway i’m done.. this entry makes me cry, it hurts… its sad.

later days

Chelsea.

This situation is making me really sad. I can’t help but just feel super sad about this situation. I am dreading lunch time, I don’t want to eat my lunch in teh cafeteria with 1000 students, unsure of where to is to sit and eating all alone. I remember in a movie that girl used to eat her lunch in the bathroom.. what movie was that? I feel like is was some teen bopper movie but who knwos I could be wrong. Thats honestly where I am concidering eating my lunch, the bathroom. I just don’t want to feel alone. somehow it is easier to be by yourself in room, than to be by yourself in a huge crowd.

 I feel like a 13 year old girl being bullied, excpet i am beign bullied behind my back.. I wish these people could say things to my face? I am forgiving and moving forward, i won’t even be confronting these people about it.

I am tempted to talk to my boss, just tell him what is going on but ask him not to say anything and just give hima  heads up.. that way if something were to happen, a big complaint on her part, or her bullying me at work he is aware and then a measure could be taken… she isn’t calling me down at work she is just on my case a lot… i don’t know what to do… i’m so confused… ugh i want to cry.

Chelsea.