Sometimes things are so perfect, it scares a man –
Life has become strange lately.
I seem to have embarked on a mindless, unguided, unintentional, self-destruct mission. Taking seemingly easy tasks and prolonging them, until they become threatening.
Today, the sultry Mexican music wrapped its tendrils around my mind and drew me to:
The cute little senorita showing me her back
The original font
The colores
The wonderful, fun, menu descriptions
The Tequila list (with the explanation of aging for each type)
And the musica … the wonderful musica; I can almost taste the warming effect of the Tequila as I read the list.
The whole effect carries me back to those warm, romantic times in Mexico, sipping Tequila on the patio of the Rosarito Beach Hotel; lying nude in the sun on the wide beach in front of the Estero Beach and Tennis Club, Ensenada; lying alongside a vanishing pool in a pink villa of the Las Brisas above Bahia de Acapulco; in a thatched-roof cabana on the sand of a remote beach on Isla Mujeries; all with the wonderful woman I loved.
I assisted in the destruction of that union without an idea of why … now, years later I still ask … why? … and still, no answer.
And now, I seem to have returned to self-punishment by taking chances, delaying small benign tasks until they become large, threatening monsters … I seem to have returned to this self-destructive behavior and the question I still ask …
Why?
No answer comes other than …
fear and self-loathing?
When will I forgive myself?
Sometimes things are so perfect with a woman, it scares a man – to death.
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(And three days later comes this beautiful piece (below) complements of A Thousand Beautiful Things. Funny how at different times in life, when you ask, the answers come.)
When you love yourself
You realize you are not meant to suffer and you are never alone
As life is nothing but a school in which to learn
You accept the past for what it had to teach you
Learning from the lessons and thanking the teachers along the way.
Forgiving ourselves for what we have done, the harm we have caused
Letting that go and belonging in the now.
When you love yourself
You learn to forgive those who didn’t love you
the way you wanted them to.
They loved according to their own definition.
They did the best they knew how.
Forgive and release them.
Forgive and release yourself to e
xperience your incredible potential
To live, to love, to learn, to take chances, and to serve.
When you love yourself
You celebrate “what is” and realize
That possibly you are not ready for “what isn’t”
We are all Masterpieces in different stages of Manifestation.
Everything at every moment is exactly as it is meant to be.
When you love yourself
You realize we are all here for a profound purpose.
To somehow make this world a better place.
You have come perfectly equipped with the exact strengths
And the courage to challenge your shortcomings
with joy and determination
For you are a unique orchestration of both.
When you love yourself
You are willing to laugh at your fallacies and share your strengths
Taking care of your BEING to ensure maximum energy for all
For all is powerful and all is possible
When you love yourself.
~ Janice Mae Parviainen
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It happens
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don’t let the good stuff scare you
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A heart’s commitment is such a beautiful and scary thing. I loved reading about Mexico.
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It happened to me too, I broke up with a guy that I loved so much it scared me, I guess we don’t think we deserve to be happy.
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Whenever I read your entries, I want to listen to Leonard Cohen. In fact, I often do. “You came to me this morning, and you handled me like meat. You’d have to be a man to know how good that feels, how sweet.”- “Recitation”
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We sometimes fail to recognize the beauty of the struggle, even though a part of us still knows it’s there. But, the fall from grace, that’s something different. Sometimes I wonder if Adam knew about that fall and wanted it even more than the forbidden fruit. Strange, sometimes we don’t even care about the sin, just the punishment. There’s no going back to being perfect. No going back to Eden.
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xox
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RYN-When I read your erotic entries I specifically think of my favorite, “I’m Your Man”, look it up (“If you want a doctor, I’ll examine, every inch of you”) 😉 Never heard if him? Nunzio! It’s some of the best hot seduction music ever! That voice…
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I’ve never done this, but I think you would enjoy my second to last entry, the one titled “He asked for a fantasy” (And yes, I am/was/will be thinking of that girl. After writing that, I’m going to have to back to bed and get myself off…lol)
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RYN- would you believe I have never, ever, had sex with a woman. Lots of making out, but no…culmination in nudity. I simply have a very low down, dirty, and exquisitely vivid imagination. I know what I like, and want, and hunger to do. I’m glad you…enjoyed it. Feel free to steal any in field tested techniques 😉
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awww sugar *kiss*
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*big smile*
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*hugs* thank you, as always, for sharing… its just what I needed I think. Especially that link.
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~hugs~ We try. Some days we succeed, and other(‘s) we fail. It’s a daily deal with each day giving you a blank slate and a memory. So we will either draw the future or the past. And tomorrow…? It will be blank again with fresh chalk and the same memories if we only choose to draw the past.
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ryn: ~soft smiles~ Wisdom is only wise if I can remember to follow my own advice. heh. Some days I do better than others.
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You’re new around here (my od)! Hello and ty for the note! 🙂
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I really like your profile pic and this one in the entry. : ) thanks for the note.
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RYN: Thank you. Coming from you that is high praise indeed. 🙂
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ryn, We have had a threesome and it was fun cuz it was with my ex lover Thorin. SHe is hot and unhibited. My exhusband didnt mind me being bi he just was weirded out about the fact I could “get off” with another woman.
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that was beautiful….
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I’m glad to hear you say this… I’ve heard it from men who have literally destroyed a wonderful relationship because they can’t deal with how uncomfortable they are with their comfort level with me. I will never understand it….. nor will I ever spend any time in one of these relationships… what is destroyed can never be rebuilt to the same level of passion.and it’s all about the passion.
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{soft smiles}
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Things show at the right time.
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RYN: U got to get in quick with me huh? lol I am gonna be free for a long minute now Nun….Trust me..I plan on living la vida loca as a single woman! Always love your entries!
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I deliberately fled all the way back to the United States because he was It. I try for wistful, but drown in regret.
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RYN – Hey thanks! Good to know that I don’t often write about sitting around on the couch. Uhmmm…okay, maybe Highlights For Kids, or just Highlights…I mention that kid magazine in the story for sure. ~I’ll be
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Ah, thank you thank you! And thank you for your compliment. I’ll add you to my favorites list; that’s where the juicy stories are. ; ) ~I’ll be
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beautiful entry
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