A Story Of Conquering Pain – 1 of 4

This entry is a continuation of a dialog that I have engaged in with many others here at the Open Diary community.  In essence, the subject is abusive self-talk and forgiveness.

 

 

 

 

 

It is my position that ALL of us have been emotionally wounded in one-way or another.  Our wounded parents imprinting us, their children, with their wounds; we grow up to also be wounded parents who imprint our wounds upon our children, who grow up to be wounded parents who … on and on it goes, ad infinitum, ad nauseum; a never-ending cycle of transferring the sickness on to the next generation.

 

 

 

 

 

It has been said, that even if our parents were the most loving and supportive individuals it was possible to be, we would still come away from childhood with wounds.

 

 

 

 

 

We have several choices in how we use those early experiences.  It does not matter that our father or our mother (or some other family member or friend) committed unspeakable acts of abuse upon us.  They committed incest; they physically beat us; they emotionally raped us with degrading comments; they threatened to kill us if we told; they abandoned us through mental illness, death, or by actually physically leaving; they took a lover they loved more than us with the substances they abused. 

 

No matter what we were subjected to, no matter the quantity or type of abuse; it is within each of us how we recall those experiences, how we remember them, how we talk to ourselves about them.

 

 

 

 

 

Since we did not cause our own abuse that is, we were not “bad” and received the abuse for punishment (a most difficult concept for many of us to grasp,) then we should not refer to the experience using negative and judgmental terms.  To call ourselves “bad,” “broken,” “flawed,” or “inferior,” or any other such pejorative term that implies we are less than, is to continue the cycle of abuse, this time, at our own hand.

 

 

 

 

 

What abuses we experienced were treatments from someone having their own demons; demons that preceded our birth.  Why would some of us label ourselves inferior because we experienced the sickness of another, even if it was a parent?

 

 

 

 

 

The key to starting the healing process is to recognize we are “WOUNDED!”  We are NOT “bad,” “broken,” “flawed,” or “inferior.”  The second key is to forgive our abusers (or anyone else who has "wronged" us) any “MISTAKES” they made in the past.  In such forgiveness, we gain the ability to forgive ourselves our own “MISTAKES.”

 

 

 

This forgiveness of our abusers concept frequently arouses anger in some.  “Why should I forgive that dirty SOB for doing xyz to me?”  Why?  Well first lets make sure we are all using the same definition of “forgive.”

 

 

 

 

 

(Continued)