Nunzio
February 1, 2004

WARNING – Valentine’s Day Gift Giving Rule! –

This composition is not mine but it’s offered here as a community service to all those unaware males who have yet to be learn the basic rule of gift giving and romance, “nothing with a plug!” … Well, there might be ONE exception.  😉 

 

 

 

 

 

A Mistake I Will Not Repeat
By Michael Seale

Ah! Valentine’s Day…a day for lovers, romance and flowers. A day for hearts, candy and jewelry, but apparently not a day for appliances.

 

 

 

I give up. I will never be able to figure out the unspoken language between men and women. And to think I got married two months ago secure in the knowledge that I had finally figured out how to play the game. I was wrong.

You see, I proudly presented to my new wife, on our very first Valentine’s Day as young newlyweds, a food processor for her St. Valentine’s Day gift. She gazed upon this appliance – one she had mentioned week after week that she desperately needed – and said, "Oh. A food processor."

I have always heard that when someone says what the gift is upon receiving it, it’s not a good gift (i.e., "Oh. A Chia pet"). Did I mention that my wife has repeatedly said how much she wanted a food processor?

See, I am of the school of thought that says when I ask, "What’s wrong?" and my wife answers, "Nothing," I assume nothing is wrong. And when my wife tells me she wants something, I want to get it for her. She wanted a food processor. She got it. So why did I have to sleep on the couch Wednesday night?

My coworkers laughed at me when I pleaded my case to them. I guess they all attended Gift-Giving 101. I must have missed that class. My boss asked me, and I quote, "Are you an idiot?" I suppose I am.

To make matters worse, my wife’s coworkers scoffed at my gift, wondering why she would even consider marrying a heathen like me. How dare I? A food processor, indeed! I’m not a complete idiot. It’s not like I gave her a lawn mower or a subscription to Sports Illustrated. I didn’t even get her that certificate for a free oil change I was tempted to buy. I gave her what she wanted. And she didn’t want it.

I was informed by a female friend of mine that the proper action to take was to buy my wife the food processor on Arbor Day or Flag Day or some random Monday. Never on Valentine’s Day.

I had no idea there were guidelines for which days to give what. The food processor, I am told, was not personal enough for Valentine’s Day. How personal do I need to get? I’m not buying underwear, or anything else she would have to wear, for that matter. If you knew anything of my fashion acumen, you’d agree with me.

I was probably the only person in the world who knew she wanted a food processor. Everyone else got flowers and candy. She got a major appliance. That’s pretty personalized, don’t you think?

I think my gift blunder has less to do with outright stupidity on my part and more to do with a general communication breakdown between the sexes. I have recently discovered that "Watch whatever you want" does not include SportsCenter. I just learned that "Whatever you want to do" does not mean that I can play golf with my friends on Saturday afternoons. I used to think that females found the stereotypical male behaviors cute, even charming. You know, hanging my ties on the doorknob, never making my bed, cold pizza for breakfast, memorizing Caddyshack, cleaning out my refrigerator maybe once every time Neptune orbits the sun.

It’s all so guy-ish and adorable.

I was wrong on all counts. And I obviously didn’t know that "I really wish I had a food processor" meant "Don’t you dare give me anything with a cord and a plug for Valentine’s Day!" I know now. And I promise to spread the word to all males who are considering shopping at Sears or Home Depot for Valentine’s gifts.

For now, I guess I’d better start thinking of a way to make this up to my wife. I should probably start by returning the sewing machine I was going to give her for her birthday next week.

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rainmaker
February 2, 2004

*L* Send her some flowers and/or take her or make her dinner…

Sandy Mermaid
February 2, 2004

Those things come with batteries now ya know! lol (swims away waiting for her flowers that aren’t coming! lol)

Thanks for the smile.

Ah. I’d beat him. No, not really. Now see, on the Home Depot train of thought… if HE had gone to the H.D. and bought lumber and paint and nails and built her a gazebo for V-Day, that would have been awesome. Or if he had say, made some flower boxes if she liked gardening or something to that effect, it would have been okay. A food processor? Even the name sounds gross and unromantic.

2- I suppose that there is something to be said for it being their first Valentine’s Day, and for the thought counting… but still. Yes, this made me smile and grimace… thank you, Nunzio, as always, for a wonderful entry.

Gilraen Tinehtele
February 2, 2004

lol thats cute, but ya’know what? i got a smoothie maker for christmas and that was the thing i was most excited about… but im strange that way 🙂

No reason why it was private… just a spur of the moment thing. you don’t have to reply privately, either. 🙂

JaeBella
February 2, 2004

Not just Valentine’s Day. My husband better don’t try to give me an appliance for Christmas, my birthday, or our anniversary, either, dammit!

Hmm. I wouldn’t mind a sewing machine for my b’day. That was a charming story to post; but damn, I don’t have a guy to give me anything this valentine’s day!

The guy still didn’t get it, dumb, ha ha. Valentine’s Day is about romance, period. How romantic is a food processor? Now, had he used it when he made his wife’s dinner (after he beautifully set the table and didn’t forget the candles) he may have been alright…lol.

Nunz, you are SOOO good to us women. I asked Husband if he was looking forward to our Valentine weekend away at an expensive B&B right on the beach. “Sure,” he replies. “Are you thinking about being romantic with me?” I asked sweetly, coaxing. “Sure,” he said. *shakes head in disgust* I’ll settle for the plug. I mean, something with a plug. *ahem*

Gilraen Tinehtele
February 3, 2004

ryn: Pillbugs!! thats what i knew them as! thanks!! i hate it when a name escapes me like that.

RYN: Whew! You done yet? LOL.

anna*
February 4, 2004

that’s cute. very true. if my beau gets me anything short of lingerie, I’ll be disappointed. however, I’m smart enough to tell him what to get me rather than let him try to guess and end up with something I don’t want.

Ionuin
February 5, 2004

Oy, such a stereotype, Nunz! I, for one, could care less about flowers. I like them, but they die!!! Buy me a plant, okay. Buy me a new toaster and I’d be thrilled!

Ionuin
February 5, 2004

regarding above note: “Valentine’s day is about romance” Romance is understanding your partner and fulfilling their desires without prompting. That’s why “one size fits all” decrees for holidays are worth an armload of air. Many women appreciate and care about the time their partner spends choosing a gift… and don’t attach a sentimentality to the object itself.

RYN: And thank you! See — I told you I have trouble being grateful.

Sighing Sensation
February 11, 2004

RYN~ Heh, quiet my ego? You just shot it down!

Unique&Unrepeatable
February 13, 2004

I don’t know whether I feel fortunate or unfortunate that this is something I don’t have to deal with. Pondering….

Tigressa
February 16, 2004

“nothing with a plug”…. hahahahahaha. Exactly

~smirk~ but batteries are ok… ~wicked smirk~

So what did you do for V Day? Drop me a note. Pretty please. With sugar on top. And whip. And a cherry.

Gilraen Tinehtele
February 21, 2004

ryn: sorry!! lol due to the private notes i have, the count you see is wrong 🙁 it would have been interesting going back thru your diary so i could write an entry about you! maybe 7k? 😉

anne, awakening
February 24, 2004

ryn: should have read the entry before.. or one or two before that one (fatigue). they are somewhat new.

anne, awakening
February 27, 2004

happy now????? 😛

Sighing Sensation
February 29, 2004

RYN~ Hehehe, I meant that I want to take a bubble bath, AND pee in quiet, but not necessarily in the tub. LOL I don’t do it on a regular basis, but yes, if I have to pee while in the shower, I do so! I’m cleaning myself off, anyway! 🙂

Sighing Sensation
March 1, 2004

RYN~ How so? What beliefs am I off-base on?

Sandy Mermaid
March 2, 2004

Where are you?!? I’m having Nunzio withdrawls… lol

Sandy Mermaid
March 3, 2004

ryn: Hmmmm… lol ;o)

Tigressa
March 4, 2004

saw your note on Sheet Music…. a ho-ho?! Hmm… there are just too many joke possibilities there. 🙂

Nunzio
March 4, 2004

Tigressa, I was going to respond with other names for it that may make you laugh even more but your diary is set to give access to ONLY your favorites. You lose! 😉

Tigressa
March 4, 2004

Ok, you got the magic key. Make me laugh!

Tigressa
March 5, 2004

Ryn(s):That is quite a list! I felt as if I was hearing them from George Carlin. I cannot believe… and I HOPE… that men do not actually use those terms in bed. I would absolutely crack up. A definite mood breaker. “Honey, say hello to Harry and the Hendersons.” Puhlease!

Sandy Mermaid
March 5, 2004

ryn: I remember this… I printed that out when I read it. It’s taped on my desk! Isn’t it ironic the pic is of a mother and child. I can only hope for a reunion some day. Thanks so much for your encouragment Nunzio…

You haven’t updated recently, so I am replying to your notes on this old-ish entry. :). The notes that you left me with when I wrote about my Boy leaving… They made me cry and at the same time lifted my spirits tremendously. You’re right. I can do this, I have done this. And I have enough faith to make it through. And I’m not really losing anything. Not really.

As always, Oh Wise Nunzio, you leave me with fresh perspective and this time, a restored will to overcome. To overcome whatever stands in my way. Because that is The God In Me. It is what I have to do. For me. *hugs you* Thank you. For your words. For everything.

Psst.. where are you?

RedLightGreenLight
March 12, 2004

I wrote you an entry.

BraveWarrior
March 12, 2004

RYN: see the entry reply.

Ionuin
March 15, 2004

RYN: *L* Thanks…. Now, get to writing some… *s*

if my bf gave me an appliance he’d be out with the dog lol…make her dinner >:) very personall…or if you can not cook take her out to dinner LOL

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