Nunzio

December 5, 2003

Next: De and The Woodman – Editorial II

De and The Woodman – Editorial

(The previous two entries in this story contain strong erotic content and because of that, are restricted to "Friends Only." If you wish to read them, just say so and I’ll open the door to you, as long as you’re over 18.)

Well, I’m sure I lost a few readers with THAT one!

We stayed together almost three years until finally, her need to marry a man who could have children won out against my love for her and my inability to have children. I had a vasectomy at 25 while married to my first and only wife. By the time I met De, reversal was not possible. (Thank God, he whispered.)

I think most people just slip, unthinkingly, into the parental role society and their parents defined for them. They become conscious of the choice long after it’s been made.

She’s married to a fine man now and they have two children, or so I’m told. I tried but I wasn’t able to maintain my friendship with her after we broke up. I don’t think she could forgive me for letting her, and what we had, go.

And I … I was hurt that she could throw our love away for the need of children. I’d like to reconnect with her some day to ask, … “Were the kids’ worth replacing me?” But why? I already know the answer; “Of course they were,” she would say. What else could a woman who wants children say?

While I understand the "drive" a woman has to have children, I don’t understand why the “drive/urge” must be yielded to. Some critics reading this might say, “Because you’re male and can’t experience the biological drive. How COULD you understand?” While that’s true, it still begs the question … why MUST the “drive” be yielded to?

Doesn’t my society expect me, as a male, to control my “drive/urge” to “Caveman” some woman I want to fuck? Those males that don’t learn to control our gender’s testosterone laden “drive/urges,” are called rapists, and do jail time! Therefore, if you choose to respond to this part of my entry, give me a better reason than, “My clock is ticking.”

In all cases I’m aware of, children seem to drive a wedge between the lovers. For all the "benefits" children bring to a relationship, it seems to be at an incredible price. In my view, there is a tremendous cost to the intimacy, privacy, closeness, independence, finances, freedom, spontaneity, and physical energy of the parents. The parent’s (note: They were once called "lovers") center of the universe shifts from each other, to the child. Soon, it’s not uncommon to hear;

"What happened to us, we used to hold hands, walk, make love whenever we wanted; now there’s no time or energy.”

And, when frustration and disappointment overcome, we divorce.

We do all this for children we must ultimately teach to move away from us, both physically and emotionally, and we do it at the cost of the lover we wanted to spend eternity with!

It is a Don Quixote, unfulfillable dream. Forgive me for wanting to skip it.

Frequently I’m mistaken for being ten plus years younger than I am and I am convinced the reason is, that I chose to not have children. I’m not advocating physical appearance over children; I just offer it as possible evidence of the energy cost of children.

Please don’t beat me up for my opinions. It’s just one man’s opinion. I recognize my position is indefensible, but it is MY position, and the right choice for me.

I’m glad other people don’t think like me otherwise civilization would soon be over.

(Continued)

uo; be yielded to?

Doesn’t my society expect me, as a male, to control my “drive/urge” to “Caveman” some woman I want to fuck? Those males that don’t learn to control their gender’s testosterone laden “drive/urges,” are called rapists, and do jail time! Therefore, if you choose to respond to this part of my entry, give me a better reason than, “My clock is ticking.”

In all cases I’m aware of, children seem to drive a wedge between the lovers. For all the "benefits" children bring to a relationship, it seems to be at an incredible price. In my view, there is a tremendous cost to the intimacy, privacy, closeness, independence, finances, freedom, spontaneity, and physical energy of the parents. The parent’s (note: They were once called "lovers") center of the universe shifts from each other, to the child. Soon, it’s not uncommon to hear;

Cameo-Brinks

December 6, 2003

uh…are you really 102 yrs old?

Gilraen Tinehtele

oh. my.. *ahem* 🙂

Heh, that could be read as the most erotic personal ad in history. And yes, most mother’s would say it was ‘worth it’, and mean it.

i don’t think you have to worry about losing readers you just gained one great story

Ionuin

December 7, 2003

Hehe… excellent story. But why for lil’ ol’ me? *grin* Red will certainly enjoy it!! (Watch me speak for her…and her throttle me… *snicker*)

IoncewasSane

Some mothers would say it was worth it only because they would feel guilty to say anything else. They would think “what kind of mom would say such a thing?” I hope you find someone else you connect with.

anne, awakening

*whew* quite intense.

Sighing Sensation

I think a lot of times the desire for people to have children is entirely selfish. They will do whatever it takes, including losing the love of their life, to have kids when often times, they are not able to properly care for the children. Did De never consider adoption, etc.? I’m sure you would have made a wonderful father, if that had been the course your life was meant to take.Just a thought!

WOW — words fail me. 😉

Sandy Mermaid

I sooo agree that we mostly walk blindly into society’s expected role for us. And why oh why do people persecute folks that don’t want children?? They want children to be in a home where they aren’t wanted? With all the emotional and physical abuses that go along with that?? I also look much younger/act much younger than my years. I am a mother of 3. I choose to be myself along with (cont)

becoming a mother. (All 3 times by the choice of their father and I both.) Society now is persecuting me because I choose to hold on to myself – something I thought much healthier for the children and me. Thier father is persecuting me. And the children are the victims of abuse as a result. So why, oh why do people want to force children/way of life on others, and the results.

You’re right, it is your opinion and I certainly respect it as such. Take care.

December 8, 2003

I have three kids. I totally agree with what you have said. I never wanted kids. Granted I love them more than anything in this world. The only reason I had them was because my mother and husband wanted them. I was married and that was the “next step”. I did a lot of things because my mother wanted it. Silly me.

Just Reba

December 9, 2003

D & I love our children with all of my heart and don’t regret having them, but it is true that intamacy lacks after they come around. It’s hard man.

I don’t think that having children is a “drive” only a female experiences. I know men who want children as badly as women do. A child does not drive a wedge between all people who have children. It brings many people closer. And as far as sacrifices go…name something that you don’t have to sacrifice for?

Every relationship has it’s sacrifices. Everything people do has sacrifices. So, why not children? I don’t think that having children is for everyone and I respect that, but for those of us that do, it’s stronger than a drive. It’s a love, for our partner and for children. It’s a love that is willing to take the good with the bad.

An excitement that can only be felt by caring for another human being, and molding them into the kind of person they will be. And trying your damndest not to screw up. 😉 I respect your decision to not want children, and I understand. But at the same time you have to understand that some of us do. We want them just as strongly as you do not. Enough rambling from me. Take care! 🙂

right now, having children is out of the question but i can see why other women would want to who knows, maybe someday when i start to hear that clock ticking i may change my mind

*Shopaholic*

If you ever did meet up with her again, how could you expect her to say “No, the children weren’t worth it”? How would you feel if your mother ever said that about you?

Nenla

December 12, 2003

I can somewhat relate. I basically chose a man over children. I hoped to get both but I suspected all along – and was correct as it turned out – I was making a choice. I have always been afraid that the day would come when I would bitterly regret that choice. But I haven’t so far. I thought about it a lot when I turned 40 in September. About the final time to change my mind, eh? But I didn’t.

Hi Nenla, I was going to note you back to thank you for your note but your diary is “closed” to me so … Thanks, and no matter what you chose, I’m glad there are no regrets!

if anything you got me to wanting and needing to read more. how old are you?

My God, ARE YOU Maurice? No, he has three grown children, but his views are exactly the same. He and his ex broke-up for the same reasons. I don’t know how I missed this entry before. Did I? hmm…