explained

they say when you lose a lot of weight the hardest thing to accept is that you no longer are limited in the ways you were before. I think that is true for anything..

I turned 25 last week, staring at myself in the mirror closely trying to figure out where those tiny wrinkles came from I realized I didn’t know who I was. I had gotten so use to the status quo that anyone upsetting that threw my world into disarray. Where was the the girl who quoted fight club and wore a bracelet that proclaimed to all the world “What would tyler do?”

where has my nerve gone?

Everyday I wake up at 5:05 am everyday it is the same, every night I come home try to break the monotony and get in a fight..every second I hated this life more and more. I felt so trapped so far removed from what I wanted..what I wanted to be.

I felt so alone

Today promised to be like any other day awake at 5:05 am, off to shower out the door by 5:30. Didn’t get to bed till 2am up late fighting about the normal things, he rolls over and I know he won’t be up till noon (and he will bitch at me for wanting to go to bed early no doubt) in the car blasting music, normal parking spot start the walk into work..whispering the same thing I do every morning dear gawd let something be different

Something was.

On my desk was a dozen of the most beautiful roses I had ever seen. I wasn’t sure they were mine, looked at the card, addressed to me..open it scan to the bottom and realize they are from a New York boy I walked away from five years ago.

written on the card was the four most beautiful lines I have ever seen penned..I nearly wept when I read them..

He understood me, he understood this feeling in a way that I could not put into words..yet he some how captured it in a mere four lines.

no quotes, no flowerly words, no i love you i will die without you sentiments..just good old fashion bottom of your heart emotions. But I am married to your charms & grace I just go crazy like the good old days

and everything was okay in the world again..I was okay..I was happy again, I felt normal..

Picked up the phone and dialed the digits I have memorized over the last month..

They are beautiful..

You like them?

I love them, thank you

Anything for you..

And I stayed on the line for 40 mins when I should have been working..

I just wish I could flash freeze the perfectness.

*Angel*

It is up to me now, turn on the bright lights