re. your entry

And there’s a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge

And I struggled to get myself up again

I wanna hang onto something

That won’t break away or fall apart

Like the pieces of my heart

(this started out as a note to the 33.3 but it got too long and turned into an entry)

I’d like to believe we were always okay, that we were more than plot lines that overlap. I can’t regress there is nothing to go back to, he has backslid into darkness the man I loved is not the one walking around now wearing his name tag.

I want to pretend like I’m okay, but I know I’m not when the talkers behind me in the movie make me shake with pure RaGe, and I have to bite my lip to stop from yelling. So I just w-a-l-k out..like I do to everything else, because that is what is safe and right…right?

And when I hear the other friends question me “is it safe to talk to your ex everyday” and I honestly don’t care, what I really need right now is a friend, it dosen’t matter if he’s stupid for me. I feel the needy-ness clawing when the message box goes silent for hours at a time, I feel alone.

But the leader tells me I gained 17 pounds and I just want to cry, can I back track to the moment the boi ruined my life? cuz the chocolate never broke my heart, it just went to for my ass..well i guess the boi and chocolate have something in common.

I just feel like we’re meant for something bigger, the thirds, I always thought we would do something other than wait for our lives to start..I’m not living I’m just killing time which is why I was always soso proud of you for moving. Maybe we are where were supposed to be..I just want more more more more..cuz I have to believe there are moments, I have to believe in true loves and soul mates..or else it was for nothing and I won’t be able to go on. because I can not break anymore

For once the readings are blank, the incense doesn’t bring visions and the future is dark to me..The daily headaches and talkin’ to’s I think we’re on our own for a bit. Do you think we missed the lesson, or was the pain the lesson?

We’ll get through this, like always, Cuz I still have the chat log when you sung to me, even tho I can’t remember the night..I never forgot crying to Konstantine, and the way the way that weekend changed us all.

The planets are due to form a further, historic pentagram pattern next week. A third occurs in November. These events are stirring up much tension, anxiety, and drama. As I explain, though, in this week’s in-depth phone forecast, these alignments are gifts, not punishments. We may not always like what they are putting us through but they are helping us to wake up and change our world for the better.

Even Mr. Cainer says it’ll pass, just a little longer..

*Angel*