struggling

I had a horrible week at work the week before last. Emma was really really nasty to me for 2-3 days and it made the whole week unbearable. I spent the majority of my time on the verge of crying and wishing I wasn’t there. Everything’s fine now though, but it’s made me make a few decisions. I will prioritise finding a new job as soon as possible and I will leave as soon as I do. Also, if this ever happens again, I will hand in my notice there and then, whether I have a new job lined up or not. So at the moment, I am focusing on making myself more employable. I think I would like to be an accountant as they make good money and I think I’d be quite good at it. So today I have applied for an introduction to accounting course through the Open University, which starts next month. This won’t make me an accountant, but it will mean I am able to apply to jobs such as accounts assistant or purchase ledger clerk – things like that. It will also mean I can find out what being an accountant actually entails and whether I’d be any good at it and whether I’d enjoy it. So a good idea all round I think. I have also bought 2 pc programs and a book from amazon. One of the programs guides you through the sylabus of the ECDL (European Computer Driving Licence), but is really slow and boring. I’m wondering if I might not be better off just joining a course, but they’re quite expensive and this cost a fiver so I will stick with it for now. The other program teaches me to touch type, which I love. I’m not using it right now as I’ve only learnt the middle and top lines of letters so far lol. But I find it comes quite naturally to know where all the letters are; it’s just a case of learning to use the right fingers and get quicker. And the book teaches me shorthand. I haven’t really looked at it in much depth yet, and I’m not sure how I’m going to get on with it – I didn’t realise quite how much it would be like learning a whole new language! And finally, I am going to apply to 2 volunteer posts – one to help out in a library, and one to cover reception at a Relate centre, both of which I think I will love.

I’m also hoping all this stuff might make me a bit happier, as I’m feeling really low at the moment. Do you ever just feel like everything is a massive struggle? I feel like I can’t cope with anything at the moment. I feel like I need something different – something else – but I don’t know what. I will try and find it though, and try and start being myself again. I feel like a different person and I don’t like the person I am now. I used to be a happy person, but I haven’t felt like that in a long time. Tom’s being really supportive, but I feel awful because I can be such a cow to him sometimes. If he does the slightest thing I get so upset by it – I’m just supersensitive and it makes things pretty tough sometimes.

But anyway, staying positive. Tom and I are going to look at some flats to rent on Tuesday. I have high hopes for them. If we like them we could potentially move in a few weeks so that’s pretty exciting. I feel like I need to be away from home now. And I’m dying to live with Tom.

It’s our anniversary on Monday – 7 years! Tom says he’s going to take me to Brown’s, which is a really posh expensive restaurant, so that’s really exciting. Can’t wait!

I think that’s pretty much everything – think I’ll go and learn some more touch-typing now!