happy?

i had such a crap night last night, spent most of it crying and feeling unloved, unwanted, generally sorry for myself, had a huge fight with tom, he really hurt me

i cried a little today, spent most of the day avoiding doing the work i kno i need to do

but now, i feel happy, and for once i do feel that people care about me

tom went out today and bought me flowers, well, a plant really, its sitting on my windowsill, beautiful little pink roses, and he said how sorry he was and that he’d understand if i was still angry

but i’m not, i dont care what happened, i dont want to fight, i just want him to be there for me and hold me and look after me

and andy txted me, voluntarily, spontaneously, without me having to txt him first, that meant a lot

when i talked to tom about it the other day he was saying how i need to reach out to ppl and risk getting hurt, its hard for me because im scared of rejection, but i tried it with andy, i told him how much it meant that he’d txted me and i said it’d be nice to see him and he said he’d try and come to see me tomoro to see how i am

today was just what i needed, i just needed people to make me feel cared for and wanted, and at the moment i do feel like that and it’s really made all the difference