it’s my birthday and i’ll cry if i want to

so, went to rev on thursday, that was lots of fun, i was so excited, i’d missed it quite a lot lol, i had a wicked time, we saw an amazing magician there, the things he was doing were just mental, usually u have some idea how they do those things but the things he was doing were just impossible, tom was sulking cuz he doesnt like the music so him, mike n mike’s friend kyle went home early, i stayed with 205 and had lots of fun, i love revs

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then we went out on friday for my birthday, that was pretty shit, i felt unhappy all day for no reason, really didnt feel like going out at all, then everyone upset me for various reasons, half our friends just left to go to uni without us, for no apparent reason, and we actually ended up walking behind them, they apparently saw us and didnt wait (thnx!), tom poured half his drink down me then made me cry by shouting at me for no reason, mike matt n ellie didnt say happy birthday to me (mike never did), it was just rubbish, i had a gd time for a total of about an hour, then raj n gup left without saying gdbye, everyone else wanted to leave early, we left at about half 1, i didnt want to leave but noone thought to ask me what i wanted, on the way home tom shouted at me and told me basically what a horrible person i am, and how i shit all over everything and im really patronising and think im right all the time, when i got home i went straight upstairs and sat on my bed and cried, tom came up and said he was sorry n stuff, that he’d just wanted to make me have a gd day and he hadnt been able to, he also said it made him feel bad that i was happy when i was dancing with my friend (the gay one – u’d think that would stop him being jealous but apparently not, and i was actually happy because they’d started playing songs i liked), anyway, he made me get ready for bed and then he held me while i cried, then he went to sleep while i was still crying, that was nice, but he did sleep in my bed with me for the first time since he’s been here, shame he has to be off his face to do it

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when i woke up in the morning (my actual birthday) i felt like absolute shit, my throat was so sore, everything ached, my head hurt, i felt really sick, i felt horrible all day, i kept going hot and cold and felt tired all day, tom and i were supposed to go out for a meal in the evening but i couldnt cope with it so we didnt go in the end, my parents gave me perfume and money, tom and marion gave me a cheque for 20 pounds, toms parents got me a new charm, tom bought me a book and a keyring, the presents were nice but i generally had a shit day, i got txts from 3 ppl at home, possibly an even worse record than last year, in fact i had such a rubbish birthday last year and i hoped this one would be better but it was probably worse, i pretty much felt like noone really gave a shit

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i do feel a bit better today, altho i coughed up a huge piece of phlegm this morning which was utterly disgusting, and i still feel sick

xxx