Long, edited, fascinating.

I worked some on my book the other day and when I woke up before the rest of the crew this morning I thought it would be a good time to do it again. Most of what I did last time was editing and sharpening what text I already had, adding some new thoughts, rewording some old ones. All of the editing was gone.  I don’t usually do well with this sort of road block. I can’t name a time I have ever had this sort of thing happen that I was able to rewrite what was lost.  That is how I know I am on the right track with what i am writing. I didn’t mourn the loss. What I wrote is still in me to write again. So, I got that going for me.

 http://youtu.be/RnHaTlI1p7o

I’ll have to come back later  and put the actual video here from my real computer.

I am suddenly quite tired. 

And foggy.

I got permission from my boss to buy a very cool looking chair for our up coming play, Romeo and Juliet. But I have to go back to the yard sale where I saw it yesterday and see if it has sold yet. They wanted 85.00, brought it down to 65.00 and when I told him what it was for he said I could have it for fifty. If I get it I’ll post a picture and you’ll see why we want it for this play.

The Babe had a bit of an identity crisis which, as we work through it has given us an excellent analogy that my girls at school really related to. During our morning devotions I have been talking to them about suffering and how to find the beauty in it.  Recently though we have talked more about what it means to be an American teenage girl and the struggles society puts on them.  So I shared what The Babe and I came up with.

"What happens to the moon when the sun shines on it?"

"It shines!"

"Yes, that’s right, but does it shine with it’s own light? What would happen if the sun were covered up? Would the moon still shine?"

"No."

"So what are you, the sun or the moon? Do you need someone else’s approval in order to be okay or are you happy inside yourself, with yourself?"

I wish I could finish this thought now but on the ipad I can only see what I type up to this point. When I edit the video I’ll finish this thought, but in the mean time, be thinking about it. I’ll be curious to see the comments that come before and after I finish this story.  🙂

EDIT

At school, The Babe was struggling some with trying to please the people she wants to be accepted by. There are other students, whose acceptance she didn’t care as much about that she was treating with less respect. I saw a few signs of this and spoke to her each time about it but it came to a culmination the other day. She was so concerned with the in crowd being okay that she hurt the feelings of her little nieces on the playground after school.  Her friends had been building little homes out of gravel, sticks and whatever they found laying around. Everyone knows that if you build something out there it will eventually be destroyed. If you mound up some gravel and throw on some sticks it will get trampled. The thought of them being upset about their homes was more than she could handle. She told the girls (4 and 2) "No! Don’t play with these!" When she was corrected for that she had I regular wigging out event with much tears and anger and "You don’t understand!" ‘s. Before it was all done she was well spanked (by me) and quite sad.

That spanking brought her perspective and clarity of thought, it reminded her that people are more important than things, but the set-up for true enlightenment was not quite complete. Understand that once a child of mine is spanked they are instantly loved on so she and I were fine but the emotional exhaustion that she experienced from the whole ordeal lingered.

I waited by her bed to sing to her that night, while she went to the bathroom. Chuck was in the kitchen doing dishes. She did a little whistle as she went through the kitchen and he said, "Baby, that hurts my ears."

She came back with her feelings hurt and told me about it. I asked if he said it nicely and she said yes. I told her that didn’t sound mean to me either so what was wrong with it.

"He doesn’t like me and I don’t like myself either."

"Sweety, do you like everything Chuck does?"

"No."

"Do you like Chuck?"

"Yes."

"Do you like everything I do?"

"No."

"Do you like me?"

"Yes!"

Well you can see where that part of the conversation went. We talked about how people we like don’t always do the things we like and we don’t always do the things that they like, and how not liking the person and not liking the thing are two entirely different animals.

Then, in came the sun.

I really wanted to address that she said she didn’t like herself, especially as it related to the fact that liking herself had to do with whether or not someone else might or might not like her.

"If you are the moon the only time you can be happy is when some sun is shining on you. The only time you can see good about yourself is when someone else says there is something good about you. But if you are the sun you are happy within yourself whether anyone else accepts you or not. You like yourself.

We discussed it at length. At some point in the conversation she forgot that not everyone is able to express their feelings with pictures. she grabbed the sketch pad that she keeps next to her bed and thrust it at me while I was talking. She wanted me to draw it.

"Sweety, I can’t draw it, but you can."

"But I want to listen."

"Go ahead and draw it, I know you are listening if you are drawing what I’m saying."

And she did.  That’s how I know she got it. the excitement in her eyes was another clue.

I’ll have to take pictures of her pictures.

We talked at length about what it means to be the light to others as well.

During classroom devotions last week my high school girls came alive with this conversation. I told them about The Babe’s struggles first. They all know and love her and were deeply touched by all that she had gone through. Oddly enough, they related. They were amazed that an 8 year old had some of the same struggles that they did. They didn’t realize that they had been struggling with these unexpressed feelings themselves since they were very young. A few of them got teary eyed along with me as I relayed the story. All of them were engaged.

With them I deepened the conversation by talking about what society expects of "good" girls.

I am reading a book about adolescent girls in America called, Reviving Ophelia by Mary

Pipher, Ph.D. Politically Mary and I would be at opposite ends but I decided to her hear out on the topic of adolescent girls. In her book she tells about a survey that was done at a college. Both male and female students filled it out and both agree. I shared this with the girls.

The survey addressed the issue of what is accepted as healthy behavior for men, healthy behavior for women and healthy behavior for humans.

Both men and women ended up showing that healthy and acceptable behavior for men matched the healthy and acceptable behavior for humans. But, healthy and acceptable behavior for women did not match healthy and acceptable behavior for humans.

My girls were aghast and came alive with questions and outbursts of frustration.

I answered this question:

"What does that mean Mrs. OH? What are we suppose to do?"

"It means that in our society, men being themselves are acceptable and are considered healthy; but women are expected to be something that does not come natural to them. We even expect it of ourselves.

This conversation went in so many directions all at once that I couldn’t begin to document it here. A light definitely came on for those girls. We talked about good and evil  and our righteousness and God’s and how we can’t be righteous on our own but only with his righteousness.

We talked about the difference between ACTING good and being good. We went over our time again and will talk more about this on Thursday when I have them again. I know they heard it though. I know they are thinking about it. We shared more yesterday morning and at the end of the school day when they all came in to do their chores I overheard this conversation.

We talked about the affect we have on other people when we are being either the sun or the moon. One girl, An…… told how she had accidentally hurt the feelings of a lady at a drive through who had greeted her warmly when she was in a bad mood.  An…. had turned away without responding. When she looked back the ladies appeared crestfallen. An……. told us how it hurt her own heart to see what she had done. She had blocked the sun and kept it from reflecting off of herself, the moon.  Now, every time she goes to that drive-thru and the lady is there, An…. makes a point of greeting her and being friendly and warm to her. The sun.

I know they heard it. I know they are thinking about it. We shared more yesterday morning and at the end of the school day when they all came in to do their chores I overheard this conversation.

"Am….., you are such a dork."

"Hey! I am being myself and I like who I am!"

We are on the right road.

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In Sandy soil I plant this seed, If even only I do heed.

In death is life; won’t be denied, grown by tears of sorrow cried.

The truth is harsh, the babes are dead, I’ll hold mine closer in their stead.

It’s all I have and know to do. I don’t admit those lives are through.

I will not waste this plot of land, it will not wither ‘neath my hand.

Come here my Love, look in my eyes,

Do you know how dear you are to me….?