Update to previous entry
Paul will likely be home soon but I feel the need to close off this thing where I left it.
I cried more and then got the nerve to go to my parents house for swimming and such. I told myself I wouldn’t talk about it. And I didn’t. I told my mom things were getting overwhelming with the whole in-law Marcia family drama, and the letters back and forth with Brad, and that it was starting to really take a toll on me, and effecting things with paul. Didn’t tell her much else. Didn’t tell her about our huge fight in front of Lucy- I would never tell her that.
I feel much more calm now. I text Paul and told him we should talk when he gets home, get through this shit, and everything will be fine. Said there is no use in being mad at each other for days over nothing. He seems to agree but threw a pity party for himself about work and his lost fishing trip in the AM. He is caught in a spiral of negativity and feeling bad for himself right now, and its self perpetuating of course and only getting worse. Im hoping we can talk tonight and i’ll get him back on track. if not, i’ll go to bed early and get up for church with my parents in the morning, despite the fact that he is off. Tomorrow starts his 1 week vacation (stay-cation). He should be spending SOME time with us, but if he fishes all day everyday instead, starting with tomorrow, ill just leave and be with my family. He’ll get pissed but im not gonna sit around waiting for him to come home for 30 minutes of his time.
We’ll be fine. I just hate that it gets this bad so fast, after being so good for so long. I hate that I feel he could give 2 shits less about me because he is SO wrapped up in himself. I don’t think he’ll ever change, I just keep accepting it when we fight and letting it go to move past the argument. I think I still need to do that.
Im so exhausted!
Hope everything gets ironed out soon. You need calm at this time. And…ugh….fingers crossed the in laws don’t move close to you. *BIG HUGS*
Warning Comment
Ryn: I guess the old saying rings true: nice guys really do finish last. I believe this is why men turn into assholes. After getting walked on enough and treated like crap, eventually even nice guys turn to the dark side, so to speak. Men have learned that this is not what women really want. So, as much as these fights with your husband are unpleasant, I think this is, in some way, the way you like it. Or, perhaps you desire a happy medium. Unfortunately, those are rare in long term relationships.
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I’m sorry that you are going through this with your significant other (I’m not sure you are married). He sounds immature to me (I read back one). My husband and I have our own worlds. The thing is that both of us feel like we are missing out if we spend too much time apart. I think it is about figuring out what is important.
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RYN: Sometimes people are so quick to judge. One of my least favorite things about OD are noters who don’t understand that each entry is just a sliver of someone’s actual life.
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sorry you are dealing with all this hun. When i read the last entry, I can relate a lot to what you were saying and feeling. I feel like that when me and my fiance get into big fights, mostly the ones over our past. Sometimes I just ask myself , what was I thinking? is he really right for me? I am sure you two will work it out and everything will be fine but i know exactly how you feel.
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