Thou Shalt Honour Thy Father And Thy Mother
This week the press has been filled with two stories, both involving children (in one way or another).
The first set of stories was a series of accusations against an ex-DJ who died less than a year ago. From what I can tell, the stories spent the entire time repeating rumours and gossip, but – from the perspective of the press – they got to use the word pedophile a great deal. And who doesn’t love a story where you can look down your nose at a child abuser, and tut, and say "isn’t that awful?"
The second set of stories were about a five year old girl who has gone missing in Wales. A man was arrested on suspicion of her murder, and late last night was charged and bound over for trial. As I might have mentioned previously, this means the press are forbidden from reporting on him until the trial, and the only time he will be mentioned between now and then is when the girl is found and returned to her family or (may the gods forbid) her body is found.
As far as I know, the press did not use any term relating to pedophile to describe him, but I suspect that is more to do with fear of what would happen if they did than any desire to behave like reasonable journalists.
But the simple fact that a young child has gone missing and a man has been charged in relation to taking her and killing her leaves a fairly obvious implication, regardless of a) whether or not the word is used and b) whether there is any truth to it or not.
But in both cases the public is going to be left with the impression that children are in danger from people they don’t know.
The stories about Jimmy Saville are – at the moment – just those. Stories. Rumours. Gossip. But the press are going to milk them for all they are worth, and reinforce the image that children are in danger from strangers – from people they don’t know. That however nice the famous man is, he could still be touching your kids when you’re not looking.
The second story hasn’t mentioned it yet, and now that he has been bound over for trial, won’t mention it at all (sub judice rocks) however there are good odds people will remember that a girl has gone missing and a man she didn’t know has been arrested on suspicion of kidnapping and killing her. Which again will reinforce the idea that children are in grave danger from strangers – more danger than anything else.
However the truth is, they’re not.
The truth is that the vast majority of children who are sexually abused are abused by their parents, or by relatives or friends of the family.
They are more likely to get raped by their uncle than by a random stranger. More likely to have their first sexual experience at the hands of their father than by the strange old guy who lives down the end of the street.
In fact, while you are reading this entry, there is a fair to middling possibility that one of your neightbours is taking one of their children by the hand, leading them upstairs, and then forcing them to strip and climb in to bed.
But this is the story that never gets reported. The story that never gets told in the press. The story we never see on TV.
Why?
Well – because no one wants to acknowledge it.
No one wants to be told that thousands upon thousands of children are being abused every day and there is nothing they can do to stop it.
No one wants to be told that their daughter is probably being abused by their brother every time she goes to visit him.
No – instead, we want to be able to feel superior to people who abuse children.
We want to be able to say "how horrible" and "how terrible".
We want someone to feel sorry for, and someone to blame.
We want someone to get angry at and better that we get angry at a random stranger than our next door neighbour.
We want to believe we can protect our children, so we make up a phantom menace against which we can hold back the night.
And all the while, parents, uncles, friends go on abusing our kids, with no one and nothing to stop them.
Before there is a burst of outrage, I am not saying that no child has ever been attacked by a stranger. Because clearly that is a lie. And yes – teaching your children not to talk to strangers or go off with strangers is a good idea. It’s how I was taught, and how I will teach my children (should I have any).
But this country seems obsessed with the notion that if we can do everything we can to stop convicted sex-offenders from living a normal life, and instead round them up and put them in to camps or ghettos, then every child will be safe from sexual abuse from now until judgement day.
And that is not only not true, it is truly a dangerous thing to believe.