A Blank Screen…

~You can’t help it. You pick up your phone hoping, waiting, wanting, wishing, longing for there to be that little blinking light, telling you that you have a message. Starring to make sure you don’t miss it, you watch, and watch, and watch. Just in case, you press a button to make the screen come to life to deliver the news you already know. Nothing. Sighing you drop your phone and walk away dejected. The unanswered questions start popping up in your head. Is he busy? Is he ignoring me? Does he even care anymore? Did I do something wrong? Is he ok? Did something happen? Am I not enough? Has he found someone else? Will I ever hear from him again? All these questions and more flow through your stream of consciousness, releasing a multitude of feelings throughout your body. Pain, being the strongest. You look at your phone again, praying that you hear from him. Praying that he likes you too. You wonder why this happens to you every time. Why has he led you on? Why did he seem like he cared? Seemed like he wanted to start something with you too? One of the worst feelings in the world is getting your heart crushed again and again and you can’t help but to feel that way. Even though you don’t really know too much about this guy, you couldn’t wait to find out more. Couldn’t wait to see where this road would lead. Now you’re not sure if you’ll ever get the chance to know. Waiting, wondering what the future may hold. All you want are answers. Answers to all your unanswered questions. The ones you admit to and the ones you keep hidden inside your heart. You can’t help but feel like once again you have lost. You feel like you will never reach the happily ever after that you so long for. Your phone vibrates. Hope instantly fills your soul. You snatch your phone, only to see it’s a text from your best friend. The hope drains, leaving you feeling deflated as you respond. Why can’t things just be easy for a change? Why can’t you have a smile on your face and actually feel happy? You can’t help but wonder if you will ever achieve those things. Part of you doesn’t believe it, but the other part doesn’t want to give up. Which way to lean? What part is stronger? You have no idea. You just want to give up. Throw in the towel. Is all this heartbreak really worth it? You don’t have the answer. You always have the questions, but never the answers. What to do? What to do? You look at your phone again. Blackness stares back at you. The silence is killing you. Closing your eyes, you just want it to end. The pain, the longing, the unknowing. You just want it all to stop. To feel nothing, so you no longer hurt. Your phone vibrates again and as you reach for it you’re pray it is him…