Will You Rise Above the Pain?

~Its times like this that make me question whether living is really worth it.  I mean don’t get me wrong really great things can happen in life, but overall at least in my life, a lot of really crappy things have happened.  And I know many crappy things happen in everyone’s lives, but I just feel that in my life, I have more crappy times that awesome times.  I guess another way to put is, I don’t feel that the times worth living for out number the times that are definately not worth it. 

~The past couple of months have been equally awesome and crappy.  I had some really great really great times, especially in the past coulpe of weeks, but then again, nothing ever works out for me.  I mean really? Why not?  Why does it happen that everytime something great comes into my life, it only brings in more problems and pain than before.  I was finally beginning to move along at a good pace in life, just getting by, not getting too down or anything, but then this happens, and I was flying high.  It was amazing.  and possibly could still be, but I’m doubting it.  And then this amazing thing gets all messed up.  Why?  Why can’t things finally just be easy? Just work out in my favor? and maybe i’m premature in this, but I’m usually not wrong… which sucks….

~I guess I can’t say that I didn’t see this coming.  I’m a planner and I do plan for the best, but I always think of the worst case senerios as well.  And this isn’t the worst case, but its definately not favorable either.  I’m not really sure what to do, where I should go, where I should turn…

~I just feel so used, yet again. People always come to me with things that they are struggling with, and I try to go to them but I don’t receive the support that I need, hardly ever. So here I am, letting my heart out on the internet because at least someone has the chance to come across it and possibly care. 

~This time I don’t think that I will be able to rise above the pain for quite some time.  Nope.  I was so looking forward to this summer, being awesome, fun, full of smiles and laughs… I’m thinking that will no longer be the case. I foresee a lot more pain in my future.  Why? well isn’t it obvious? That’s my life. Pain.  thats what I deserve so that’s what I get. I don’t know how other people can deal with all the pain, I really don’t.  I can for some time, but its been way too long.  IT really has.  I thought this was going to be my break.  My chance to finally experience happiness.  To finally be able to want to live, to want to matter… But i was wrong… very wrong