Last Night

Was the first night I was able to have your picture back on my desk at work. I had this background printed out for it.  That was the next to last picture I ever got of you. Until then, it contained last year’s Christmas picture on the dog beach. Every time I realise there won’t be any more of those with you, I break all over again. It’s so hard to continue without you. To act like I’m doing better than I am at work. Last night, I took part of my break to just sit in the car and cry. For you, for what Brian and I had for such a short time, until illness took that away, too (that’s a later story) losing, dad in February. I never dreamed the year would end on such sad notes. That’s why I’m just waiting for it to be gone. Right now, there’s not much to celebrate. I just want you back with me and knowing it’s not possible keeps the tears falling. On the way home from work, I play my song to you (Everything I Own by Bread) and allow myself the luxury of crying. I try not to do it during the day. My heart just feels so heavy and yet empty at the same time. I miss you

As another Bread song says:
Since you left I hardly make it through the day
The tears get in the way
And I need you back to stay.