empty

 I can’t seem to find contentment or happiness in anything these days…

I don’t even feel like writing, because all it does is make me delve deep into myself,

A place I want nothing to do with now.

I avoid thoughts of why I act and feel the way I do because I don’t care to know.

I keep myself endlessly busy so my mind cannot wander into darkness.

The sad part is that I should be happy…. on the surface my life is going well.

But there’s a pile of mistakes I can’t shake next to a mound of questions I’ll never have answered.

I’m longing for meaning…. in something, anything.

But I find nothing.

Only darkness and indifference towards all aspects of life.

I’m going through the motions, and nothing more.

Maybe it’s because of a realization that there are so many people I care so deeply for,

knowing that they’ll never care half as much about me.

It’s unlike me to do so, but with those select few….. it happened before I even knew.

And now avoiding conscious thought has driven my mind to think while I sleep,

to process all these suppressed emotions, all those moments I refuse to let play back in my head.

They dance around my dreams, haunting with every step.

 

I’m at a loss for where to go, what to do…

Alone and Empty, once again.