June 7, 2010

Heart vs Mind

So often these days I push this feeling aside.

The hollow craving would eat me away if I let it.

I refuse to believe it’s real, pushing down, deeper and deeper until it reaches a part of my soul that isn’t soul at all.

But I can’t pretend today.

Was it a dream seemingly forgotten that conjured this? Or perhaps simply your face, etched in my mind, is the cause.

I’m reaching out to touch you, that smile I’ve always adored.

My fingers burn as they move closer and closer to your jaw, dying to feel.

Something’s wrong. Your face is warping, twisting, and soon, it simply evaporates into black smoke.

I convulse into a panic, falling at the place where you once stood.

I’m trembling. Unable to control the memories and emotions so strongly tied, even after a year of emptiness.

Teeth grazing my collarbone. Painful and delicious all the same.

Nails running down my spine, tearing as they go.

My heart pounding out of my chest as your lips connect with mine, igniting a fire I’d never known until that moment.

Feelings impossible to put into words.

I’m forcing my eyes open, knowing that the lids hold even more memories, ones built to destroy.

Knowing that only the thought of you with her can save me from this horrifying trip. I mold my mind to imagine it.

Pain sears me, but the truth often hurts more than any lie.

And all these are now are lies of the past, hauntings I must destroy.

It isn’t you I miss. It never has been. It’s these moments, as I recall them. A flash of passion, pain, love.

The endless craving is to feel again…

Burning.

Aching.

Lusting.

Alive.

LoveSuicide

June 8, 2010

You know the very end of this was a step I think to read. The realization that it isn’t always the person that we miss, but what they offered and represented.. The passion they fueled, the desire they nurtured, and the intensity of feelings that made you feel so alive as you put an exclamation point on this piece.. Are so very true.

Ah, I am fairly certain you will inspire words and desires and thoughts far greater than my meager attempts someday. You never know when it may be. Even if you never see it, you can rest assured knowing that you incite such fervor. You a fan of beer? I can’t stand the taste. Personally, I don’t much like hard liquor, though mixed drinks can taste good.

chuckles, poor Toby, never getting a chance to show a horse who is boss.. so I take it he’s a fearless dog? Does that match his owner? Oh my God, is the horse smiling, too?! What’s it doing?! You have an absolutely lovely smile! It’s about time you shared it. You know, smiling is a wonderful thing, and people with great ones should offer it to the world more often.. 🙂

So it was okay for her to date your ex, but you couldn’t be close with him after they broke up? What the hell kind of hypocrisy is that?! You were okay with her dating him or you didn’t have much choice? Also, why’s he dating friends? And then HER best friend who hates you backstabs her by sleeping with her boyfriend? Is she aware of this? *head spinning*

Ah, I take it you no longer work with this psychotic pissbag of a girl? Hopefully so. If you do, I’ll gladly train you for your epic showdown where you remodel her face.

Okay, wait, I’m confused. You met your best friend Jamie cause she was dating your ex John whom you’re still not over, then he dumps her, and you guys get together for sex, she finds out and is upset. Then her best friend gets into your grill about it.. but you haven’t seen her in over a year now. So how long ago has all of this stuff transpired?

That best friend of Jamie’s doesn’t sound like much of a friend. A big girl? Not worth it. She’ll fight dirty.