Happy Thanksgiving!

tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

lots of yummy food. im very excited for turkey. turkey with gravy and mashpotatoes in one bite is my fav food for it.

we are getting up early cooking then eating by hopefully around 1.

then later me and jon are going to davids to hang out bc his parents are gone. then doug wil come over when he gets back from longview.

we are going to watch, hopefully, ironman, casino royale and fred claus. i have seen the 1st but not the other two.

ironman, transformers and van helsing are my favorite movies ever!

iv been kind of irritable today. don’t know why.

a few things made me.

one being that i can’t get any quietness around here. blah. now i know why i decided to live by my self lol

im really sore btw. it sux. i feel old lol..

another being that i wish i could spend a holiday with my love…

i respect that he goes down to see his grandparents for all holidays but it would be nice to spend one with him…

but then i think oh i will probly have our whole lives to spend holidays together. then i think well what if we end up not staying together. then we might not and we would have missed all of these.

know what else is bugging me?

the fact that the future is so nonpredictable. i just don’t know what is going to happen. i would love to know that doug and i are going to get married one day. but i don’t. know matter how much i love him now. it might not be the right relationship. and it sucks not knowing.

back in high school i thought i had everything perfectly planned out…. graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, get married straight out of college. that was the plan. then it all went to shit when my ex dumped me half way thru college.

at first i was just shocked. i didn’t understand how God could let something so good just stop.

now i understand that sometimes unanswered prayers are the best ones. bc if God would have answered my prayer to save that relationship. i would be in a sucky life. not kidding.

but he didn’t answer it. and now i have an amazing life with amazing friends and relationships with ppl around me. and when things start to get me upset i jsut have to remind myself of that….

for ex. Doug has a condition called Ulcerative Colonitis. don’t want to describe it but it is very painful for him and he loses blood everyday. he has lost so much weight and muscle.

i have been so thankful that God put Doug in my life immediately after my ex. i thought it was God doing something good for me. which it was. but now i also know that he had planned for it to do something good with Doug too. Doug tells me that i am really supportive of his condition and i know that being there for him is helping him. so God planned not only for doug to be there for me in my time of need but also now for me to be there in his.

i truelly believe that God has some sort of reason or explaination or maybe something good that always comes out of something bad, planned. EVERYTHING that has happened in my life, no matter how sucky i can always find something that has come out that is good. it may not make up for the thing that was lost. but it is good.

soooooo for Thanksgiving i am thankful for God. and everything that he has given me and the people in this world.

ok enough mumbling off my incoherant thoughts haha.

nightnight